Saturday, February 26, 2011
When presented with option of Regular, Fast, or Superfast, may I suggest that it's perfectly acceptable, especially when dealing with anal irritation, to choose the speediest option. Yes, we all like the idea of slowing things down and experiencing the moment, but I think you get a pass on this.
Because of the impassable snow-packed streets in SF, the BF and I decided to make breakfast, then lunch, (hey, let's call it brunch) at home today. He put the ingredient list together for me and I bundled up in my sealskin parka, hooked up the dogs to the sled, and trekked to the grocery store. Despite the blizzard-like conditions, I was able to find the ingredients to recreate the Catalan-style eggs and greens we like to get at Blue Bottle Mint Plaza. We used mustard greens and fire-roasted tomatoes, and I couldn't resist getting a loaf of multi-grain bread to sop up the juices. Plus, the whole thing was probably less than 300 calories. Yay! Now I can eat that tray of brownies that's calling my name. Bon appétit!
Truly apocalyptic, right? I don't know how I'll be able to get out of the apartment. The streets are a maze of abandoned cars and frozen corpses. Send care packages and the National Guard!
Dear rest of the country, please go back to minding your own weather business. We don't have weather here. Just sunshine, rain, fog, wind, wine, artisanal coffee and macarons, amazing and gorgeous people (I'm blushing), and more homeless and drugs than you can shake a wad of Google stock at. It's paradise. Get over it.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
According to the Buzz Machine on SF Weekly, the former cafe cum art gallery known as Sohberts is re-opening. . . sort of:
Bert Harris, owner of the shuttered Sohberts, approached bartenders Lisa Mongelli and Meredith Wilkinson to partner in the Caviar Docks (144 King, at Second St., www.thecaviardocks.com), which will begin as a private events space and eventually open to the public as a beer and wine bar. The space was long the loading dock for Tsar Nicoulai Caviar, hence the name.I see. Caviar Docks. The name, like Sohberts, just rolls off the tongue and conjures images of a welcoming space.
Dear businesswomen and men of San Francisco, please take a moment when you're coming up with a name for your enterprise. Run it past your friends. Ask the Twitterverse. Ask random strangers at the mall. "Does this name scream XYZ to you?" or "Would you shop at ABC?"
I don't care that someone named Tsar Caviar (and, frankly, I'm a bit suspicious of this history) used this space as a loading dock. In fact, I don't care that it was a loading dock. You want to charge me $10-15 per glass of wine. I shouldn't be thinking of a LOADING DOCK!! And, the previous attempt to name the truly bizarre "cafe or art gallery or cafe or bicycle shop or whatever you were trying to do there" after your children by combining the least melodic parts of their names was misguided. Sohberts wasn't a cute name. It was weird. No one got it.
Honestly, I'd rather drink wine or coffee at a place called "Ham" or "Get Out" or "Cirrhosis." So, I wish you luck, but I'll probably drink my wine at District. Cheers.
My friend Tim recently started a discussion on Facebook about songs that we all wanted played at our funerals. "What," he asked, "is one song that must be played at your funeral?" As the responses poured in, I immediately thought "List fodder!" and got online to see what kinds of Funeral Song lists there were. It turns out that there are several on the internets. Alas, many (if not most) are completely sincere. Tim and friends, thankfully, were not.
First, the (randomly selected) boring list. Apparently, one of the selling points of many of these songs is that they are about angels. I guess people like that kind of thing. Personally, birds creep me out and I hate feather pillows.
Angel - by Sarah McLachlan
To Where You Are - by Josh Groban
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Sissy's Song - By Alan Jackson
I Will Remember You - by Sarah McLachlan
Borrowed Angels - By Kristin Chenoweth
Angels Among Us - by Alabama
When I Get Where I'm Going - By Brad Paisley
Dancing With the Angels - By Monk and Neagle
You'll Be In My Heart - By Phil Collins
Next, the good list. Or, as I like to call it "Tim's List to put the FUN back into Funerals."
The Moon & St. Christopher.
Pharaohs (Tears for Fears)
It's Only Just Begun
Ding, Dong the Witch is Dead. From The Wizard of Oz.
In The Arms Of an Angel - Sarah McLaughlin
"Ding Dong..." sung by Klaus Nomi.
"Sports Chalet-we'll take you to the limit!"
"American Furniture Warehouse!"
Unforgettable (the father-daughter version).
Taco's "Putting on the Ritz"
All the People That Died. Jim Carrol
"The Old Grey Mare", sung by a choir of octogenarians. Accompanied on the piano by someone who is at least 100, and can no longer hear.
I think something by Dinah Washington.
Death of a Disco Dancer
Reel Around the Fountain
My Morning Jacket's "Where To Begin"
Ok, "Everyday is like Sunday" must be played too.
"Thanks for the Memory" Dorothy Lamour
(Extra credit to those who can pick the songs I recommended. I was so wishy-washy that I suggested three.)
Despite my inability to pick a single song to play me off this grand stage of life, you can clearly see that Tim's friends (while still oddly charmed by angels) will throw much better funerals. I hope I get to attend them all.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
That's right. It's Tuesday, and the list-o-mania shall begin. I love these lists pointing out the bad habits of other people so that we can feel superior. In fact, I have family in one of these states (shout out to #3!!). Thankfully, they're not obese. . . yet. I've got my eye on y'all.
Via SF Gate
Top 10 states with the DEADLIEST eating habits
10. New Mexico
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.26 (23rd)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $737 (8th most)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 58 (12th least)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 111 (13th least)
-44th greatest percentage of households without a car that are more than 10 miles from a supermarket or grocery store
-44th-greatest percentage of population that has low income
Lack of access to affordable and nutritious food may force residents to "rely on fast food restaurants and convenience stores instead. New Mexico has the eighth-greatest amount of money spent on fast food per capita among all the states considered."
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.17 (47th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $761 (4th most)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 60 (21st least)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 109 (11th least)
With the second fewest grocery stores per person (only 0.17 for every 1,000 people), healthy food access is a problem in this, one of the country's "fastest growing states." Arizonians are "supplementing their diets is with fast food".....spending "$760.50 each on fast food in 2007, the fourth greatest amount among the states."
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.18 (45th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $622 (20th least)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 70 (11th most)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 122 (10th most)
A large portion of Ohio's poor live in major metropolises like Cleveland and Cincinnati, so have decent access to grocery stores. However, Ohio also has the "11th-greatest consumption of soft drinks, and top-10 highest consumption of both sweet snacks and solid fats." And along with losing LeBron James, Ohio has the llth-worst rate of adult diabetes in the country, so likely its fair share of depression as well.
7. South Dakota
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.5 (4th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $547 (9th least)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 64 (23rd least)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 122 (8th most)
With the fifth-smallest population in the country, and yet the 17th-largest geographic area, the fact the S.D. has also "the greatest percentage of households with no car and which are more than 10 miles from a supermarket or grocery store" means poor access to fresh, healthy food. "Only 10.1% of adults in South Dakota consume the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' recommended two or more fruits and three or more vegetables per day, compared to the national average of 14%."
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.23 (29th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $939 (most)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 58 (10th least)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 114 (19th least)
Nevada spends the most per capita on fast food than any other state, roughly 25% more than Texas, which comes in second. Also high: households with no cars; income less than 200 percent of the federal poverty thresholds; obesity and diabetes rates.
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.25 (24th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $676 (15th most)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 69.8 (8th most)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 103.2 (3rd least)
"Household-level food insecurity," which indicates food access problems and disruptions in food intake patterns due to inadequate resources for food, is 15.2% in Oklahoma." Only 9.3% of the population eats the recommended fruit/veg daily intake. "Oklahoma's obesity rate is 31.4%, the fifth-worst in the country."
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.35 (7th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $610 (19th least)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 64 (23rd most)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 121 (12th most)
Though Kansas has seventh-best national access to stores where cheap and healthy food is available, most residents clearly don't bother. Consuming the 12th-most sweet snacks and solid fats (more than 20 pounds per person!) KS has "one of the worst diets in the country." No surprise then: it's 28th in adult diabetes and 28% of KS adults are overweight.
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.26 (22nd)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $623 (21st least)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 65 (18th highest)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 121 (17th most)
Here is a combination of the 11th-lowest rates of adults eating the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables, the eighth-greatest rate of food insecurity, plus high rates of soft drink, sweet snack and solid fats consumption. Also here: the ninth-worst rate of obesity among adults, with "30% having a body mass index greater than 30."
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.21 (37th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $649 (23rd most)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 77 (4th most)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 113 (16th least)
Alabama citizens drink 77 gallons of soft drinks per capita, roughly 33% more than Oregon, which consumes the least. "Soft drinks like cola have more sugar per ounce than nearly any other food we regularly consume," and clearly contributes that soda has helped contribute to Alabama's seventh-highest obesity rate and second-worst diabetes rate. More than 12% of adults here the disease.
-Grocery Stores Per 1,000 Residents: 0.21 (34th)
-Amount Spent on Fast Food Per Capita: $588 (17th least)
-Gallons of Soft Drinks Purchased Per Capita: 82 (most)
-Pounds of Sweet Snacks Purchased Per Capita: 113 (17th least)
Boasting the worst eating habits in the country, "only 8.8% of the adult population eats the recommended amount of daily fruits and vegetables"; meanwhile, residents "consumed just under 82 gallons of soft drinks per capita in 2006, the greatest amount reported." Further problematic, MS has the US's third-highest rate of household-level food insecurity. Results? Depressing: "the state has the highest rates of both adult diabetes (12.8%) and adult obesity (34.4%)."
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Yes, it's true. You cannot deny the colors of the Froot Loop rainbow. Plus, they're crunchy. It's all about mouth-feel, folks. Squishy overripe banana or crispy loops? Yes, the main ingredient is sugar, but they're made with whole grains now. WHOLE GRAINS! Surely that counteracts the badness of processed sugar. (Where's my insulin?)
My friend Kim posted this article from The Atlantic about Josh Viertel and his YouTube question for President Obama after the State of the Union address. Essentially, he asked, "Why are Froot Loops cheaper than real fruit?"
It's a good question. My last box of Froot Loops (don't judge) only cost me $2.00. You may remember my rant about paying over $3.00 for two apples last year. Robbery. How can I afford NOT to eat Froot Loops.
Well, that's the gist of the above article. The government should stop subsidizing the food-stuffs and additives and processes that are slowly killing us and, instead, it should support healthy food producers and businesses. I personally won't be holding my breath because ConAgra's lobby seems larger than the guy who sells organic pears at the Ferry Building. I'm just saying.
So, enjoy that taste of sugar-laden youth in the form of loops while it's still cheap. And crunchy. And so so colorful.
Stop by and see what we do in the publishing world. Yes, we still make stuff out of paper. It's so retro, and you're going to LOVE it.
If you're in the neighborhood, check out the reception too. Thursday, Feb. 24 from 6-8 PM. Will there be drinks? Um, is this publishing?
What: Bay Area Book Expo (BABE) - The purpose of this exhibition is to celebrate the work of the major Bay Area publishers, featuring 10 examples of their work from the last ten years-–the first decade of the 21st century.
Why: Since the demise of the San Francisco Bay Area Book Council festival of the 1990s, there hasn’t been an opportunity for publishers to show-–and for interested public to see-–their work. This is an opportunity to do so and celebrate the art and design of the book. This is of particular relevance as the book has begun to take on a new identity as content for e-readers, tablets and the like.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
From the e-mailbag:
Subject: I will hit your car
Dear Seattle Drivers,
If you speed up and your car is mere inches from my knees, trust me, I will knee your car. If you try to fly through a crosswalk I'm about to step into and you then stop in front of me to look both ways, whatever's in my hand is going to meet your car's side door, trunk, what have you. You do not have the right of way, and if more people started walking the streets armed with pedestrian-protection devices, you might think twice before putting our lives in danger. You see a pedestrian, you stop. You can wait the extra 10 seconds. We however, may not survive your impatience.
Aggravated SeaTown Pedestrian
I read something recently that said that lists automatically lend a sense of authority to the subject matter covered. Since I've always wanted to be an authority, I've decided to start a series of lists. If there's a topic you'd like me to cover via list, please let me know.
Let the listing begin!
This past Saturday was a beautiful day in San Francisco. Sunshine and warmth in February. Perfect. Unfortunately, I was going to have to share my neighborhood with over 50,000 Giants fans. FanFest was upon us. I'm a caffeinated force of nature, but even I have to relent when faced with that many sports fans. So, I did what Napoleon should have done and got out of Dodge (ah, mixed historical metaphors).
My trip began as any walkabout should--with iced tea.
I adore my local Starbucks team. They make a mean glass of iced tea AND have my tea ready for me by the time I reach the cash register. Amazing. Now that's worth a tip. So, with tea in hand, I began my walk. I couldn't resist walking by AT&T Park to see some of the mayhem. I was not disappointed.
Behold the fans, waiting to get inside the stadium. It was scary. Apparently, AT&T Park management had kept people out and were slowly letting fans in as people left, but they had also told people to stay away if they weren't already in South Beach. Too many Giants fans! But, did I mention it was sunny? So I walked down to the marina.
Boats! I don't know how to sail, but I'm pretty sure that I could sneak onto one of these boats without anyone noticing. Look out Hawaii! I'm coming!!
Back to the walk. I took the Embarcadero with the intention of getting lunch at the Ferry Building. It's always nice to walk along the water and take in the sights of San Francisco. And to escape the FANS!!
So I walked faster. I'll be safe when I reach the rocket. I'll be safe when I reach the rocket. Oh, there it is. Whew.
I had a hankering for a 4505 Meats cheeseburger. These little burgers are salty and delicious. But. . .
4505 was out of burgers. Nooooooo!! I ordered a chicken sandwich instead. It was a mistake I won't make again. The sandwich sounded so good, but the execution was truly unappetizing. It was as though they had take some chicken, wrapped it in chicken fat and skin, battered it, and deep fried it, then placed it on a bun. The result was, for me, nearly inedible. You should have seen the little boy sitting next to me watch me as I picked it apart, trying to get at some random piece of edible chicken. Poor thing. I probably gave him an eating disorder. Alas, I don't have photos of the carnage.
I tossed the remains of the chicken sandwich carcass into the compost bin and headed back to the Embarcadero. I walked down one of the pedestrian piers to take in the view and snap some photos. Why don't I do this more often?
Enough of this seaside joy! Into the heart of the city! So I set off toward North Beach, walking down Broadway toward City Lights Books. Along the way, I saw this cute couple, holding hands as they walked along the street. There should be a law against such PDA. Save it for the Castro folks!!
With some fancy footwork and a swift kick to the man's weaker knee, I passed the couple and made my way to City Lights. It's always nice to wander around, check out the books, and read the staff recommendations. I didn't buy anything because I was afraid the BF would have a fit (yes, I have a book problem). Still, it's nice to visit. Leaving the bookstore, I decided to turn toward Chinatown.
If your city doesn't have a Chinatown, you're missing out. And this just happened to be the day after Chinese New Year! Shout out to the Rabbit! Don't get me wrong. People in Chinatown are crazy--mostly the tourists, but it's a sight not to be missed. I made my way to Union Square, stopped off at Borders (please note the earlier admission of Bookaholism), and then went to the Gap. It's the law in SF.
Finally, I needed to head home. MUNI seemed to be the quickest way to get home.
I walked down to Powell Station and waited. You see, that's what one does in San Francisco: wait. And wait. And wait. Okay, it wasn't that bad. After about six minutes, my train arrived and I headed back to a FanFest-free South Beach.
Life was good again.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for surprises left on my desk. When I returned from lunch today, I found the above package.
Dear Reader, what would you do?
I opened it.
Inside, I found this:
Clearly, my love of the pastry has been broadcast far and wide. But, there was no note! No email saying, "Todd, you're so wonderful that I thought you deserved a pastry. Enjoy!" Only silence.
Still, I took a bite. And I lived. Life on the edge, my friends.
Later, I found out Matthew had made (yes MADE) doughnuts at home this weekend using the Flour cookbook and brought me a piece to try. Thanks, Matt. But, please, stop trying to make me fat(ter).
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
- Photo via Fucked in Park Slope
Look, I'm all for this. We all know cats are evil and probably want to scratch our eyes out. Keeping them in a cage (of any kind) is easily the best way to protect ourselves. And, if some "high on catnip" hipster wants to traipse around Park Slope with a bag of cat dander on his back, who am I to say no?
In fact, let me make a few suggestions on decorating one's cat pack:
1. A "bumper" sticker that says "Rabies on board."
2. Chloroform-soaked cotton balls could be passed out at all the cool new bars. No, not for date rape (hipsters can buy Four Loko for that). They're to keep the caterwalling down to a minimum while your friends' local indie band plays out their emotional trauma on stage.
3. Three words: Giant Ziploc Bags
4. Yarn. Just toss that knitting into the cat pack. You know you're never going to finish it.
In short, bring on the cat packs. With luck, when they graduate to human baby pets, the cat pack owners will just slip their offspring in with Tabby. I'm even more afraid of babies.
No. No, no, no, no. I'm tired of hipster douches (I'm even tired of talking about and calling them hipster douches) taking all of my things. They work in libraries now, they knit and crochet, they wear ugly nerd glasses. They steal my 80's style clothes and wear them ironically, EVERYTHING'S NOT IRONIC! The quality looks of Michael J. Fox and James Spader are not jokes, do you understand? They are to be respected. Enough. I earned these things by suffering through it when it wasn't cool or ironic. I was ugly, glassesy, bookish and crafty when it was something you got picked on for and I'm just about all done with hipsters taking it over. I mean, I'm glad that being a "nerd" is cool now and you don't get beat up, but no. It's not even really cool, yeah, everyone loves Star Trek now, but come on, how can you not? Sulu's fencing sword is BAD. ASS. So, I'm not impressed. Try watching TOS and tell me how much you love Trek then. Or DS9. Or even tell me what DS9 means. Then you can step to me. So no, no taking over my love of cats. I'm a lady, I work in a library, I make scarves out of yarn, and I GODDAM LOVE ALL MY CATS. Unhealthfully. I take hundreds-NO, thousands of pictures of them. I talk to them, they are my kids. So no, hipsters, you don't get cat love too. I will not allow it.
Why do you have to take everything I love and make it into a personal statement about how cool you are?! Cat's are way to dignified to be put in a backpack, unless you do it "Get Fuzzy" style, which I doubt you would because you suck! So no. BAD HIPSTER.
(I don't know why this turned into a hipster rant. Just go with it.)
Dear editors of the world, do more of this.
How many ways can I say no? Dinner in a bottle? Unless it was previously a grape or grain, I do NOT want to have dinner in a bottle (future Jetson food pills excluded, of course). When will this long Atkins nightmare end?
According to the company's "Facts" page, they "have a special relationship with [their] protein here at Meatwater." Pardon me while I throw up a little. And they're basically selling it as a weight-loss gimmick. I'm horrified.
Prepare for the end, my friends. It will be horrible, it will involve slaughterhouses and equipment to squeeze the juice from all living things, and it will most definitely have us all marinating in Meat Water. Just watch.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Hats off to The Hairpin for taking the time to gather these photos together. Please be sure to click on the link above and take a look. But, before you do that, will someone PLEASE tell that harlot to get her paws off that poor boy!? I cannot stand that way men are treated in the workplace. So unacceptable. ERA Now!