Heart-shaped good luck charms cause nightmares.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
"Shalquoig" is TOTALLY a real word. It means that thing that you're looking for but forget what it is when you walk from one room to another. It can also be a verb. "I totally shalquoiged my keys this morning."
Please feel free to use this word in the future. Impress your friends.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Web designer John Vaccaro clearly understands irony. Or something like that. Maybe he just always wanted to get into Bernie Madoff's pants and this was the next best thing.
You see, when Bernie's estate was auctioned off (you know, after he swindled people out of $65 billion...), Vaccaro bought all the Madoff hand-me-owns he could and proceeded to create a line of unique iPad cases. The Wall Street elite are snatching them up, but you can still get one here while supplies (and fabric) lasts. Luckily, Bernie was a big boy.
Well, it's not so much a "diet" as it is an amazing dessert that I must have. NOW. Basically, I will eat anything that incorporates Jello No-Bake cheesecake. I'm looking at you, Red Lobster.
2 quarts of fresh Strawberries
1 box Jello No Bake Cheesecake
Crushed Graham Crackers
Chocolate for drizzling--some people call for milk or white chocolate, but I like my chocolate like I like my back-alley romances: dark.
Wash the berries and hollow out the centers. Use a small paring knife for this or a child with tiny hands and sharp claws (they have claws, right?). Mix the cheesecake according to the directions. Put the cheesecake in a piping bag and fill each strawberry until slightly overfilled. Then, place the graham cracker crumbs into a bowl and dip each strawberry into the crumbs to coat the top. Melt the chocolate in the microwave (if you're a philistine) in 30-second increments, stirring between. Again, transfer to a piping bag with a narrow tip and drizzle onto each berry. Resist the urge to over-drizzle. It's dessert, not Debbie Does Dallas. Refrigerate until you’re ready to eat. When ready, gorge heartily.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Let's break out the Lipitor and get cooking.
The horrifying recipe:
1. Make ground beef patties and top with sharp cheddar cheese
2. Wrap the patties in a heart-clogging bacon weave.
3. Next, complete the masterpiece by adding hotdogs as the heads, legs, and tails. Be sure to cut slits for toes and shape the tail into a point.
4. Place your little Frankenstein monster turtles on an oven rack, cover loosely with foil, and bake for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees.
They should come out crispy and screaming. Just like real turtles (or so I'm told).