Thursday, March 31, 2011

And on her last day, she gave me this

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No matter what you force me to eat, Renee, I will not get fat!! ;-)

I'm going to miss you--and the Tartine baked goods. Mostly you...I think.

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Daniel is my hero

Thanks to @daisy for sharing this!

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Things that make you go, "Yum."

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Aussie footballer twins Zach and Jordan Stenmark. 'Nuff said.

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

PETA hates tenderloin and THE Tenderloin in SF

Here is the text of PETA's letter sent to SF Mayor Ed Lee in which they propose changing the name of the Tenderloin to the Tempeh. Nice work, PETA. Way to keep your eye on the ball. Jeez, I need a steak.



March 29, 2011

The Honorable Edwin M. Lee
Mayor of San Francisco

Via e-mail

Dear Mayor Lee,

I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 2 million members and supporters, including thousands in the Bay Area, with an idea that could help revitalize the struggling Tenderloin district: rename it the "Tempeh District." By discarding an outdated moniker that evokes the horrors of the meat trade, you'll be sending a strong message to progressive businesses and health-conscious residents that this neighborhood is ready for a fresh start.

Tempeh, a protein-packed food made from soybeans, is a healthy, cruelty-free meat substitute. In contrast, tenderloin comes from real suffering. In today's intensive meat production industry, piglets have their tails and testicles cut off without being given any painkillers and breeding sows are confined for life to metal crates so small they can't even turn around or take two steps. Cattle are burned with hot irons, their horns are cut or burned off, and males are castrated—all without painkillers.

It's true that the Tenderloin echoes vice and corruption and that slaughterhouses are constantly found to be in violation of the law and more. But now's the perfect time to put the city's past in the deep freeze. San Francisco is now renowned for some of the best vegan cuisine in the world, and the city deserves a neighborhood named after a delicious cruelty-free food instead of the flesh of an abused animal. If Tempeh doesn't excite you, how about Granola Flats or Seitan's Lair? You could even run a contest to choose a veggie moniker.

Sincerely yours,

Tracy Reiman
Executive Vice President

Monday, March 28, 2011

Miracle Whip is like a party in my mouth

From the firm of Jenkins, Smith and Euphemism comes this latest commercial for everyone's favorite tangy zesty condiment:

Just when you thought anti-abortion activists couldn't go any lower

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They go and pull the race card. Kudos to www.thatsabortion.com. You've done your organization proud.

But, what really horrifies me is the bad Shepard Fairey knockoff design. Get thee to a design school!

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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Books Everyone Should Read: A Consensus Cloud

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Compiled from multiple sources and visualized as a consensus cloud, this must-read list is a thing of beauty. Now, what do you want to read?

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The Next Big Designer Drug? New Species of Mind-Controlling Fungus Found

I don't want to alarm you, but it turns out that zombies are real. They just happen to be much smaller than we thought--and have antennae. 

Four new species of fungi that turn ants into little tiny extras from a George A. Romero movie have been found in the Brazilian rain forest. What was originally thought to be a single species, calledOphiocordyceps unilateralis, was recently discovered to be four distinct ones.

David Hughes, a Penn State University entomologist, and his colleagues made the discovery after noticing a wide diversity of fungal growths emerging from ant victims, according to the March 2 study in the journal PLoS ONE.

These particular fungus species take over ant brains with mind-altering chemicals, control them like voodoo dolls and then kill them once they’ve done the fungus’ bidding. Kind of like my ex. 

“It’s related to the fungus that LSD comes from,” Hughes said. “Obviously they are producing lots of interesting chemicals.”

Imagine you’re a carpenter ant hanging out with your little worker ant buddies back at the colony. Suddenly, you notice Joe doesn’t look so good. His mandibles have gone slack and he’s not laughing at any of your dirty thorax jokes. You shake him and slap his antennae. Nothing. No response. Then, without a word, Joe slowly turns and walks away, never to be seen or heard from again.

Joe is on full zombie autopilot now. He finds a small shrub and starts climbing. Once he reaches the underside of a leaf about 25 centimeters above the ground and at just the right angle to the sun, he clamps his jaws on the edge or a vein, anchoring himself to the leaf. As the melancholy soundtrack swells, Joe dies.

The fungus then takes over and turns the carcass into an ant-shaped, spore-producing factory for the next year. These spores infect other ants, creating more fungus-loving zombies. And, before you know it, all the ant hills are overrun by hordes of zombie insects. It's like the mall on Saturday. 

How these species of fungi control ants is a mystery. I suspect it's a combination of pheromones, chocolate, and television signals. With luck and your donations of Lotrimin, scientists will figure it out before a bad case of athlete’s foot fungus turns into World War Z. 


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Monday, March 14, 2011

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Coming to IFC and Sundance Soon



If Zach Braff met Sofia Coppola and had a threesome with an NYU film school student in 2010, this would be the outcome. And it would be awesome.

Don't judge me. FBDO is one of my favorite movies.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Will it blend? Bunnies vs. babies



If I had known Planned Parenthood supported the blending of babies, I would have given them money long ago. Alas, federal law apparently forbids them from doing this. I guess the makers of this video missed that particular day in school.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tuesday is list day: Top 5 worst bumper stickers

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1. Baby on board: This, dear parent, is what it makes me think of (see above).
2. Visualize world peace: It's hard to see peace through the cloud of military-industrial complex sponsored petroleum smog your vehicle is spewing, but I'm sure it would be great.
3. Jesus fish and/or Darwin fish: I don't believe in either of you. Everyone knows we come from aliens.
4. My kid is on the honor roll: You just outed your kid as either a geek, Asian, or a student at yet another failing American school with low standards.
5. My other car is a broom: We get it. You're a witch. You wore all black in high school or junior college and you read 1/2 a book on Wicca. Congrats. Now, conjure yourself a real sense of humor.

If you can't afford a flower girl at your wedding

You can still probably get this, um, guy to walk down the aisle with you.