Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
March 29, 2011
The Honorable Edwin M. Lee
Mayor of San Francisco
Dear Mayor Lee,
I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 2 million members and supporters, including thousands in the Bay Area, with an idea that could help revitalize the struggling Tenderloin district: rename it the "Tempeh District." By discarding an outdated moniker that evokes the horrors of the meat trade, you'll be sending a strong message to progressive businesses and health-conscious residents that this neighborhood is ready for a fresh start.
Tempeh, a protein-packed food made from soybeans, is a healthy, cruelty-free meat substitute. In contrast, tenderloin comes from real suffering. In today's intensive meat production industry, piglets have their tails and testicles cut off without being given any painkillers and breeding sows are confined for life to metal crates so small they can't even turn around or take two steps. Cattle are burned with hot irons, their horns are cut or burned off, and males are castrated—all without painkillers.
It's true that the Tenderloin echoes vice and corruption and that slaughterhouses are constantly found to be in violation of the law and more. But now's the perfect time to put the city's past in the deep freeze. San Francisco is now renowned for some of the best vegan cuisine in the world, and the city deserves a neighborhood named after a delicious cruelty-free food instead of the flesh of an abused animal. If Tempeh doesn't excite you, how about Granola Flats or Seitan's Lair? You could even run a contest to choose a veggie moniker.
Executive Vice President
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I don't want to alarm you, but it turns out that zombies are real. They just happen to be much smaller than we thought--and have antennae.
Four new species of fungi that turn ants into little tiny extras from a George A. Romero movie have been found in the Brazilian rain forest. What was originally thought to be a single species, calledOphiocordyceps unilateralis, was recently discovered to be four distinct ones.
David Hughes, a Penn State University entomologist, and his colleagues made the discovery after noticing a wide diversity of fungal growths emerging from ant victims, according to the March 2 study in the journal PLoS ONE.
These particular fungus species take over ant brains with mind-altering chemicals, control them like voodoo dolls and then kill them once they’ve done the fungus’ bidding. Kind of like my ex.
“It’s related to the fungus that LSD comes from,” Hughes said. “Obviously they are producing lots of interesting chemicals.”
Imagine you’re a carpenter ant hanging out with your little worker ant buddies back at the colony. Suddenly, you notice Joe doesn’t look so good. His mandibles have gone slack and he’s not laughing at any of your dirty thorax jokes. You shake him and slap his antennae. Nothing. No response. Then, without a word, Joe slowly turns and walks away, never to be seen or heard from again.
Joe is on full zombie autopilot now. He finds a small shrub and starts climbing. Once he reaches the underside of a leaf about 25 centimeters above the ground and at just the right angle to the sun, he clamps his jaws on the edge or a vein, anchoring himself to the leaf. As the melancholy soundtrack swells, Joe dies.
The fungus then takes over and turns the carcass into an ant-shaped, spore-producing factory for the next year. These spores infect other ants, creating more fungus-loving zombies. And, before you know it, all the ant hills are overrun by hordes of zombie insects. It's like the mall on Saturday.
How these species of fungi control ants is a mystery. I suspect it's a combination of pheromones, chocolate, and television signals. With luck and your donations of Lotrimin, scientists will figure it out before a bad case of athlete’s foot fungus turns into World War Z.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
If Zach Braff met Sofia Coppola and had a threesome with an NYU film school student in 2010, this would be the outcome. And it would be awesome.
Don't judge me. FBDO is one of my favorite movies.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
If I had known Planned Parenthood supported the blending of babies, I would have given them money long ago. Alas, federal law apparently forbids them from doing this. I guess the makers of this video missed that particular day in school.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
1. Baby on board: This, dear parent, is what it makes me think of (see above).
2. Visualize world peace: It's hard to see peace through the cloud of military-industrial complex sponsored petroleum smog your vehicle is spewing, but I'm sure it would be great.
3. Jesus fish and/or Darwin fish: I don't believe in either of you. Everyone knows we come from aliens.
4. My kid is on the honor roll: You just outed your kid as either a geek, Asian, or a student at yet another failing American school with low standards.
5. My other car is a broom: We get it. You're a witch. You wore all black in high school or junior college and you read 1/2 a book on Wicca. Congrats. Now, conjure yourself a real sense of humor.