Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's New Year's Eve, so you know what that means!

It's Jesus' birthday!! And a blue moon to boot. Needless to say, he has made himself known via the Jesus Banana (or is this merely Apple's newest product?).

I don't care what Steve Jobs and Gizmodo think. I believe that it's truly a miracle of biblical and Chiquita proportions. Careful with the peeling, though. Jesus has a wicked slapstick sense of humor.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I'm distraught over my URL woes

I'm trapped by Google's disinterest--like this alien lamb-thing.

Our custom domain is down

You can't access this blog via currently. I'm not sure what the problem is, but it appears to be a Google Sites issue. Grrr.

Until it's fixed, I'm stuck with

Monday, December 21, 2009

For Oscar

Sometime, man or woman, traveler,
afterwards, when I am not alive,
look here, look for me here
between the stones and the ocean,
in the light storming
in the foam.
Look here, look for me here,
for here is where I shall come, saying nothing,
no voice, no mouth, pure,
here I shall be again the movement
of the water, of
its wild heart,
here I shall be both lost and found --
here I shall be perhaps both stone and silence.

-- "Yo volveré" by Pablo Neruda

Rest in peace, Oscar. Your gentleness and easy smile will be missed in this world. Hasta luego, mi amigo.

Nicole Kidman does her impression of me

nicole kidman

Yes, I really do feel that bad. The coughing has kept a steady pace, my fever comes and goes--along with the headache, and now I'm developing a stuffy nose. Seriously, I need some powerful medicine.

Until then, though, I'll amuse myself with the image of Nicole vivisecting her makeup artist. Poor thing.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Vote for the Atheist Candidate!

According to several state constitutions, atheists are not allowed to hold public office. In Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, South Carolina, Maryland and North Carolina, it's "against the law" to "deny the being of almighty god" (at least that's how the state constitution of North Carolina states it). I wonder, is it time to introduce these states to our nation's Constitution? Perhaps we can use some TARP money to fund civics classes.

I'll let Rachel Maddow give you the rundown:

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Lady Gaga medley

This was too cute not to share. This Sam kid sings pretty well.

David Archuleta is all grown up

Okay, it's not Archuleta, but doesn't it sort of look like an idealized version of him?

Yelptard #2: w c is his name; tats are his game.

He says he's naked under his hoodie. Um, excuse me, but I just threw up a little. However, the pierced nipples would be great for his and her towels. Maybe I'm discounting him a little to quickly.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Who says youth is wasted on the young?

Read more about the Haight here.

New Study: Whiskey is poisonous, but Vodka cures cancer

A recent study published in my favorite magazine Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research shows that whiskey will tend to give drinkers a worse hangover than pure, mountain spring vodka goodness. After last night's holiday party, I can verify this research. My Grey Goose and soda more than stood up to the throngs of Manhattan drinkers around me. Today, they are suffering while I have finished my portrait of Margaret Thatcher, built two homes for the poor, delivered hot meals to 250 people and took a few Polaroids for my collection. In short, vodka rules.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Yelptards: A new series on Iced Tea & Sarcasm

It came to me today that I should share the wealth of ridiculous photos on Yelp with my IT&S readers. I thought I would call them Yelp Douchbags, but Yelptard works better for me. It's one word, two syllables, and has a better chance of offending the developmentally disabled community.

Anywho, for Yelptard #1, I give you Hunter. He had several photos that would qualify, but this one seems to take the cake. Enjoy.

No, the Cassini Isn't a New Cocktail: Reflection of Sunlight off Titan Lake

Move over Moon River, now there's Titan Lake. I feel simultaneously smaller in the universe but more excited by its vast strangeness when I see these kinds of photos. What we don't know so completely outstrips what we do, and that, my friends, makes this stuff so interesting. Any time someone attempts to offer a grand unifying theory of the hows and whys of the world, think about this moon, orbiting Saturn, with its lake of liquid hydrocarbons. Then ask them to fit this little puzzle piece into dogma.

Until then, sit back, look up and enjoy the greatest show off Earth.

The details:

This image shows the first flash of sunlight reflected off a lake on Saturn's moon Titan. The glint off a mirror-like surface is known as a specular reflection. This kind of glint was detected by the visual and infrared mapping spectrometer (VIMS) on NASA's Cassini spacecraft on July 8, 2009. It confirmed the presence of liquid in the moon's northern hemisphere, where lakes are more numerous and larger than those in the southern hemisphere. Scientists using VIMS had confirmed the presence of liquid in Ontario Lacus, the largest lake in the southern hemisphere, in 2008.

The northern hemisphere was shrouded in darkness for nearly 15 years, but the sun began to illuminate the area again as it approached its spring equinox in August 2009. VIMS was able to detect the glint as the viewing geometry changed. Titan's hazy atmosphere also scatters and absorbs many wavelengths of light, including most of the visible light spectrum. But the VIMS instrument enabled scientists to look for the glint in infrared wavelengths that were able to penetrate through the moon's atmosphere. This image was created using wavelengths of light in the 5 micron range.

By comparing the new image to radar and near-infrared light images acquired from 2006 to 2008, Cassini scientists were able to correlate the reflection to the southern shoreline of a Titan lake called Kraken Mare. The sprawling Kraken Mare covers about 400,000 square kilometers (150,000 square miles). The reflection appeared to come from a part of the lake around 71 degrees north latitude and 337 degrees west latitude.

It was taken on Cassini's 59th flyby of Titan on July 8, 2009, at a distance of about 200,000 kilometers (120,000 miles). The image resolution was about 100 kilometers (60 miles) per pixel. Image processing was done at the German Aerospace Center in Berlin and the University of Arizona in Tucson.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Holiday party outfit crisis solved! Meet the Bundler

Keep your Prada, your Boss, your D&G, Gucci and Vuitton. I have found the ultimate in vintage fashion: The Bundler. It's like a Snuggie but better.

Despite the prevalence of skinny-legged jeans and Lycra, we all secretly miss the swaddling comfort of footie pajamas and the form-flattering fit of a sauna suit. Just admit it. The Bundler combines both of these elements of haute couture in a mixture of primary colors and a washing machine-safe terry cloth/acrylic blend. Throw in a sassy rope belt and you will have the one piece of clothing that you'll never want to take off.

Unfortunately, the Bundler isn't available any more. Some things are truly ahead of their time: BetaMax, the DeLorean, Friendster, and Hillary Clinton. Nevertheless, the pull of nostalgia and missed opportunities is strong, and this will cause us no end of suffering. We'll have to settle for our Slankets (and something dull from Banana Republic to wear to the party) and pine away for the sleepwear of yesteryear. I just hope my Snuggie can absorb all my tears.

Monday, December 14, 2009

“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.”

The Salvation Army, in case you've forgotten, is an unapologetically evangelical organization--not that there's anything wrong with that. But. Oh, isn't there always a big "but" when I'm in the room? (no snide comments, please) The Army continues to maintain its anti-gay stance (even tossing in some anti-immigrant bias just for good measure), and it's causing some to call for boycotts and others to justify their bigotry in the name of all the good they do.

For me, the choice is simple. I dislike helping people anyway and this just gives me one more reason not to do so. Besides, the interminable ringing of the Salvation Army bells makes me insane. If I can bring a moment's peace to the world by withholding my three dollar bills, then color me there.

On a more serious note, I simply cannot and will not knowingly support any organization that is anti-gay. Hate me to my face. That's fine. But don't couch your hatred and ignorance and bigotry in "good works" and try to make me and my people feel guilty for not supporting your attempts to subjugate and rob us of our civil rights. Everything you do, Salvation Warriors, is tainted by this. So take your "love the sinner but hate the sin" matra and shove that in your bucket. You're not getting a dime from me.

I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from Derealization


Derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems strange or unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional coloring and depth. Individuals who suffer from derealization may complain that what they see lacks vividness and emotional coloring. Emotional response to visual recognition of loved ones may be significantly reduced. Feelings of déjà vu or jamais vu are common. Familiar places may look alien, bizarre, and surreal. The world as perceived by the individual may feel like it is going through a dolly zoom effect. Such perceptual abnormalities may also extend to the senses of hearing, taste, and smell.
Nine more disorders can be found at


Or it's just the Hanger One Kaffir Lime vodka Jenna forced me to drink during the Hannukah Ham Party.

Or maybe I just find everyone annoying today.

Or perhaps it's both.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

A DIY Project I Can Really Get Behind: How to embed a bottle of vodka in solid ice

I'm not the most crafty person you will ever meet. In fact, I would prefer to buy something new as opposed to repairing it myself. The thought of sanding, buffing, caulking, sawing, grinding, sewing and/or decoupaging something makes me want to run screaming for the mall. I mean, have you heard of Amazon or Macy's? They sell stuff to replace broken stuff. It's like the circle of life or something.

But. Then there's vodka and all things vodka related. When I read about this particular project, I thought to myself, "Maybe I AM a DIY kind of person." After all, I know how to buy vodka and I know how to make ice. (Psst, it's called Iced Tea and Sarcasm for a reason) Add to that, an empty milk carton (I can buy milk too) and some random flowers (they sell those, right?), and you've got yourself the basic materials for a frozen block of vodka icy deliciousness.

So, you can either read the whole thing on WikiHow, or you can follow this shorthand method:

1. Buy vodka. It's your choice, but please don't buy something cheap and gross. This bottle will be stuck in this block of ice like Excalibur and will represent your vodka tastes for years to come. Choose wisely. I suggest Grey Goose or Hanger One.

2. Clean out a 1/2 gallon milk carton.

3. Put the vodka bottle in the carton and fill with twice boiled water. This will make the ice clearer.

4. Carefully pick up the carton--don't jostle it or add any additional air bubbles which will interfere with the clarity of your ice.

5. Add any accoutrements you may want to your ice: flowers, gummy bears, toy soldiers, or condoms. Wedge them between the bottle and the side of the milk carton so they stay in place.

6. Place the bottle and carton in the freezer. Make sure it's flat and the bottle can stand upright. Freeze overnight at least.

7. Remove the ice/bottle from the carton--carefully! You can run it under cool water to loosen it from the milk carton. Cracking may occur. Don't cry. It's fine. Then you can shape the ice if you want. Make it more rounded, etc. I like to add Babylonian cuneiform shapes, but that's just how I roll.

8. Place the frozen bottle on a serving tray and wrap in a nice cloth napkin. This will make it easier to serve the delicious, chilly, syrupy vodka.

9. Return to the freezer when not in use. You can reuse this bottle many many times. Just keep filling it with your favorite vodka.

10. Invite me over for a vodka tasting party and have plenty of snacks. I tend to get the munchies when I drink.

Thanks for reading and best of luck to you in your DIY adventures!

More reasons to cancel my Uganda vacation

Thanks, Rachel, for taking the time to expose these hypocrites.

Meanwhile, Mr. Rick Warren, j'accuse!!

It looks my ride is here

Time to return to the Mother Ship. See you all in a million light years!! :)

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dinner at Frances in the Castro

Imagine if you will: It's Saturday, after 8 PM, and you don't have reservations anywhere. Normally, this would be cause enough to lock the door, pull out a tub of frosting and a spoon, watch infomercials and curse my luck-less life. Last night was different, though. And Frances was the new variable.

Rand got on Open Table and discovered that Frances, the much anticipated new restaurant in the Castro that we had both read about, had a 10 PM reservation available. I dropped my trusty frosting spoon and shouted, "Book it!!!" I waited for confirmation before wiping the cream cheese deliciousness from my formerly frowning mouth; there's no excuse for wasting napkins. Finally, after a few agonizing seconds, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief and return the frosting to its hallowed spot in the pantry. We were in.

We arrived a few minutes before 10 and were greeted by a friendly host. He recognized my name and handed us a drink/wine list and also pointed out the curiously framed white board they use to list daily specials. We stepped to the side and checked out the wine list and the decor. Frances is small but cozy. We were both taken with the light fixtures over the counter seating. Very nice.

While we were waiting, a server came up to us with a couple of the restaurant's Market Shots. They consisted of huckleberry, white wine, kaffir lime and honey. They were really tasty and normally just $3. Ours were on the house. Thanks Frances!!

After about 10-15 minutes we were seated (a table was available earlier, but the host told us it was a cramped space, so we opted to wait a little longer). Seating at Frances is very cozy, almost European. They have chosen to utilize as much of the space as possible with many two-tops placed close together. Be prepared to meet your neighbors.

After swapping life stories with our new dinner neighbors, we began to peruse the menu. Since it was late, they were out of the beef dish (which was a little disappointing), but there was much more on the menu to try out. We decided to start with some squash frites, applewood smoked bacon beignets, and albondigas with salsa verde. The squash frites were great and the beignets were bacony and fluffy. I was a little disappointed in the albondigas, but I think that was mostly because the flavors didn't mesh with the other two dishes. Next, we had the gnocchi with duck confit. By far, this was my favorite dish of the evening and I can't recommend it enough. At the end of the night, I told the owner/chef that I wanted to bathe in the gnocchi because it was so delicious (I'm not sure exactly who it was but I really appreciated her walking around the dining room and talking to us). For an entree, we chose to share the cod dish. It was perfectly cooked and the flavors were spot on. Cod can be a little bland, but this was far from typical cod. The flavors were balanced and rich. I would have loved to try the beef dish, but this was a great second choice.

Add to this a carafe of the house wine (at $1 an ounce) and then we wrapped up the night with the Valrhona chocolate ganache tart with McEvoy Olive Oil ice cream and some Blue Bottle coffee (which was $4 and served in a Chemex carafe--easily 3 cups of coffee).

All in all, I loved it. We spent around $92 for two people, and I thought it was totally worth it. Thanks to the Frances staff for a terrific late night dinner (and I hope we didn't keep you there too long after closing!).

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Shopping in San Francisco

It's the holidays in SF. I forgot that when I went out yesterday. All the people are insane, and I'm convinced that they're all tourists or suburbanites. Can't we San Franciscans have one or two days to shop in peace?

Happy holidays?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Jesus Saves. . . and He Bakes!

If I get nothing else for Xmas or if I buy no other gift for this Xmas, please please please let it be this Jesus Saves Rolling Pin. If anyone sees one of these in SF, please let me know. I am in awe of Twitter user @MrsWoff. She saw this, recognized its awesomeness, and shared it with the world. Thank you!!

As for me, I'm off to scour the hardware stores in the city. This has to be somewhere!!

I am Fluffy, Destroyer of Worlds

I've heard of teacup dogs before, but this is ridiculous. I hope it's a violent breed. I bet Jonathan Safran Foer would eat this little guy in one bite.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

In my next life, I want to be Brazilian

Meet Arthur Sales in a couple of videos for the brand Butch. He could be wearing Glad trash bags for all I care. Shouldn't it be illegal for a country to export something like this?

Is it hot in here?

This is all I want for Xmas

What? Oh, sure, people can buy Snuggies at Walgreens, but I can't express a deep desire to be swaddled in pink plush bunny pajamas with footies? Jeez.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Photos from the Thanksgiving Weekend in Tahoe

I was lucky enough to get to spend the Thanksgiving weekend in Tahoe with friends. There was snow, games, firewood, the lake, and Batter Blaster. Not a bad way to spend the holiday. Here are a few photos I took with the old iPhone.

Three Cheers for New York State Senator Diane Savino

Let's consider this "sanctity of marriage" argument a bit:

Thank you, Senator.

Fashion Victim Deals with Student Uprising: Corduroy Skirts Are A Sin

This poor woman was confronted by an eerily happy, smiling mob of fashion-hating Syracuse students protesting her questionable use of corduroy. Why can't we just get along, people? When will we learn to accept people for their differences and "live and let live"? Why must we be so judgmental? So filled with hate? So "HAPPY" to attack people who've clearly done nothing to us?

It must stop! Students of the world, leave this poor woman and her cohorts alone. (Imagine that I'm like Chris Crocker right now.) Let her carry her signs and wear her purple hoodie and unflattering brown skirt. Let her preach her message of hatred and intolerance. Let her wear those shoes!! Oh, hell, who am I kidding? Those SHOES!!! I can picture them now. Get them off, call a priest, we need an exorcism now! It's too much. In fact, those shoes are definitely a sin. Sorry brown corduroy skirt lady, but I cannot accept your particular lifestyle choice.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dockers wants you. . . to wear the pants

Originally uploaded by Wear the Pants
I feel like I'm writing an advertisement for Dockers, but trust me, I'm not. This ad campaign caught my eye for a few reasons and I feel compelled to talk about it.

First, whenever I hear about Dockers, I think of a movie quote where someone says that no one gets laid wearing Dockers. I'm sure that's not true. Undoubtedly, there is the lucky odd duck out there wearing Dockers who happens to stumble into an unsuspecting female with low self-esteem. Score!

Second, the news item I read which alerted me to this ad campaign tried to link it to research on the decreasing testosterone levels in men worldwide. Will Dockers be soaking their pants in testosterone? Will I have to fight off the ladies and the bears when I stroll around SF wearing them? One should be so lucky. By the way, does the aging population have anything to do with the decrease? Just a guess.

Third, even without a torso and head this model looks hot. And that's what I like in advertisements: attractive models. Now, what are they selling again?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tastes like high blood pressure

This is my nomination for the most amazing thing I've seen today. And, well, since I'm the ultimate judge for what I think is amazing, I guess this slab of pink Himalayan salt wins.

Look, I like food as much as the next person. No, I'm not a foodie but I know several. And, I was initially excited by this product. It looks cool and I can imagine the "ohhs" and "ahhs" as I pull it out to cook a delicious piece of Coho salmon. Oh, yeah, I'm cooking on a rock. Eat that, Le Creuset.

But, despite its magical antimicrobial powers and the description that says it's easy to clean, I'm self-aware enough to realize that I would probably slip up, put the damn thing in the dish washer, and find out an hour later that I had basically flushed $40 down the drain.

So, I think I'll be skipping the salt slab this Xmas. If, however, anyone wants to invite me over to bake some Tollhouse cookies on one, I'll bring the organic locally-made ice cream and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Why that movie? Because "life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." And it rocks.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Three reasons to just hug it out

1. Monkey
2. Giraffe
3. Elephant-like creature that also seems a little alien and kind of scares me.

These are available at for only $39 each in case you're still shopping for my Xmas gift.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Analemma: It's not my new drag name


This photo is the result of a series of photographs taken by V. Rumyantsev every 10th day in the Crimea during which he tracked the course of the sun for a year [click on the photo to go to his blog]. The result is proof of the analemma. Considering that I can barely sustain interest in a sitcom for a season, it amazes me that anyone could pursue such a project with the hope of producing one photograph after a year's work.

Weekend in Truckee

The Thanksgiving weekend seemed like a great time to get out of SF, avoid the Black Friday madness, and frolic in the snow-covered pine trees in the Tahoe/Truckee area. Usually, I hate the cold. I'm over it. I grew up in a place with distinct seasons--hot summers and cold winters. Now, though, give me temperate consistency and I'm happy.

However, I always look forward to going up to Truckee and sitting in front of the fireplace. I'm bundled up and that first hour when the house has to warm up is torture, but I love it. Then when our friends get here and the house fills with conversation and laughter and games and wine and food, it transforms into something amazing. Each time I visit I want to stay. Dear boss, about that telecommuting policy. . . .

I hope you're all having a nice weekend too. If it's snowing there, too, get under the blanket and have a hot toddy. Everyone deserves one of those. :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

In case you can't remember why you're stuffing yourself into a tryptophan coma and hiding from your drunk uncle this holiday, watch this classic Peanuts scene.

Seriously, Thanksgiving Day is my favorite holiday--even if we just have toast and popcorn. I hope you all have a wonderful time today and get to enjoy lots of delicious food. Send any good leftovers my way.

Eat ham

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

This is why poetry matters

Because even bad poetry makes us laugh--and that is no small feat.

This holiday season I'm thankful for Suzanne Somers, poetry, and the ability to keep from taking it all so seriously.

An Ode to a Ham

I like ham.
Ham likes Paula.
I like Paula.
Paula likes neither.


Katie Couric's Solid Gold Dance of Doom

Just as Shiva dances to destroy a weary world so that a new universe can be created, Katie Couric conjures the forces of nature to wipe out this planet. It's performance art as apocalypse. It's a harbinger of doom and we are her playthings.

Yes, little girl who looks on in abject horror, it is real and we shall all suffer for it. Look away if you can!!

Created with flickr slideshow.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

With all the out-of-work art majors, can't we have better police sketch artists?

Something is wrong in Bolivia. Either art classes are being drastically cut from the schools' curricula, or there is an extreme shortage of hair conditioner in La Paz. Amazingly, this drawing led police to two suspects who were promptly arrested. As you can see from this footage of the arrest, the artist is in fact a genius.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

No one celebrates Halloween like us

I work with the best people.

Muchas gracias to the in-house videographer.

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind

I loved this movie as a kid--still do. But when you add the banjo-goodness and threat of backwoods sodomy, it becomes even better.

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind from Marc Bullard on Vimeo.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Why "Twilight" is destroying America

I found this posted on Facebook by my friend Kevin and had to share.

Fan Made: Bella's Womb from 'Twilight' (aka Creepiest 'Fan Made' Ever)

by Erik Davis Feb 5th 2009 // 1:01PM

Filed under: Fandom, Images, Fan Made

We've been writing these little Fan Made posts for awhile now, and although I'd like to think that I've seen just about everything you wacky fans can come up with, this little nugget of fandom came along and just about cost me my breakfast. Oh yes, one creative (and creepy) Twilight fan actually took the time to felt together Bella's womb, complete with -- wait for it -- an actual felted mutant fetus inside! Who in their right mind does stuff like this? Seriously, who wakes up one day and says, "Ya know, I think I want to spend the next week or so recreating what Bella's womb would look like with a mutant fetus inside, and then maybe share it with fans on the internet ... because they'll of course think I'm, like, completely normal and stuff."

We love you Twilight fans -- we really do. You're passionate, loyal and determined to spend as much time as you possibly can caring, loving and rooting for these fictional characters. But I think (or should I say, hope) you agree with me when I say we've discovered the limit. This is when you should turn to your child and say, "Mayyybe it's time to take on something a little more productive." Check out both the closed womb and the open womb w/ mutant fetus in the gallery below -- then tell us: Is this the creepiest piece of fan-created junk you've ever seen? If not, what beat this?

Gallery: Bella's Womb

[via This Journal and Scott Neumyer's Twitter]

I can't look at this thing. Actually, I'm pretty sure it just moved. Eww, eww, eww.

Now, what about Taylor Lautner's womb?

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Friends & Family Sale at Chronicle Books!


Chronicle Books is having a special Friends and Family Holiday Sale! Get 35% off all books--with FREE SHIPPING! Use the promo code FRIENDS at checkout from now until Dec 4th.

If you're buying something for me, I like cookbooks. And diamonds.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Washing my hands in Grey Goose

If it's good enough to pickle my liver, then it's undoubtedly good enough to sanitize my paws. In my dreams, rivers of vodka pour from my faucets and wash away the dirt and grime of the city. Ah, nirvana.

If you, too, find yourself with a little extra vodka in your pantry, then Heather Craven offers this recipe for making your own vodka-based hand sanitizer:

* 1/4 cup aloe Vera gel
* 1/4 cup vodka
* 10 drops fragrance oil

Mix and put into a pump bottle. Then, resist the urge to add cranberry juice or soda water. Cheers!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A Man on a Mission--or in the Mission

"Fashion Don't" or cross-cultural commentary on the intersection of gender politics and ecofeminist ideology? You decide.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Extreme Multi-tasking or "How I save time at the urinal"


My colleagues are busy people. So busy, in fact, that they inevitably find themselves worshipping at the alter of multitasking. I get it. I really do. I'm busy myself.

But. . .

Look closely, if you dare, at the photo above. Yes, it's a urinal, ladies. And, yes, we men actually do use them. However, we typically use them for one thing and one thing only. Apparently, though, someone didn't get the instruction manual.

Do you SEE the blue blob in the urinal? Do I need to tell you what it is? It's TOOTHPASTE!! Someone was brushing his teeth at the urinal (and I'm making a gender assumption here and I recognize that nothing would theoretically prevent one of my female coworkers from brushing her teeth at this particular urinal, but let's get real). My mind tried to reach for a more palatable reason for the toothpaste's presence:

1. Maybe it's not toothpaste and someone has a medical condition I'm unaware of.
2. Maybe someone was brushing his teeth, needed to spit, but BOTH sinks in the bathroom were being used.
3. Maybe we've been invaded by aliens.

While I hope it's scenario #3, I tend to believe that Dude (yes, let's call him "Dude") was brushing his teeth, felt the call of nature, walked over to said urinal while still brushing his teeth, relieved himself and spat simultaneously. For his sake, I just hope it all went into the urinal.

But, Dude, in the future, can you please try to keep your hygienic routines separate? Or at least flush the urinal 5-600 times and wash away your shame? We would all really appreciate it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

My kingdom for a glass!

Look what I just got! Thanks to my friend Courtney, I am now the proud owner of a Powell's Books pint glass. You may remember that I mentioned these glasses several months ago. It's as beautiful as I had imagined. Now, what should I drink from it first. . . ? Iced tea, perhaps?

Thanks again, Courts!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Wow, Maya Angelou is popular

If you're searching for the "Maya Angelou" reading of Craigslist as poetry (one of the funniest things ever on Logo), then this very blog is your first result on Google. Depending on your search terms, Iced Tea & Sarcasm is #1 out of 964,000 results. Yikes! Thanks everyone for visiting!!

This person wants to be my friend on Facebook

First, I'm only friends with people I know--in real life--on FB. Second, who would use this as a profile photo?! I'm seriously afraid for my life now.

Dear Scary Person, may I interest you in some soap?

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Another reason screwtop bottles are superior

Thanks to Daisy for finding and sharing this. It makes me want to be in Paris again. Or at least drunk enough to try this with friends.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Here's to further recession!

Do you blame me? I'm going to single-handedly try to influence the PUMA Index by not buying anything today. You?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Meep! Or Civil Disobedience Muppet-Style

Don't say "Meep!" Danvers High in Massachusetts won't stand for it anymore.
Danvers High parents recently got an automated call from the principal warning them that if students say or display the word "meep" at school, they could face suspension.

Meep doesn't mean much, unless you are Beaker — the hapless, orange-haired assistant to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew on "The Muppet Show."

While meep may be nonsense, what it represented was no laughing matter to the high school's administration. High school Principal Thomas Murray said students were using it and other words to disrupt school in a particular part of the building on Cabot Road. The term later became part of a disruption some students were planning online.

I don't know about you, but the idea that a children's show from the late 1970s/early 80s is inspiring a new generation toward civil disobedience cracks me up. If I were one of the Danvers High teachers, however, I'd probably want them all caned. Ah, perspective and the joy of being child-free.

P.S. This was my 1000th posting. Crazy, huh?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Failed Absolut Advertising Campaign Leads to Homocide

A 34-year-old San Francisco woman accused of fatally beating her boyfriend Sunday inside their South of Market residence pleaded not guilty to murder today in San Francisco Superior Court.

Police said Kira Roueche called 911 from an apartment at the Henry Hotel at 106 Sixth St., where the couple had been living, at about 8 p.m. Sunday to report that 42-year-old Cameron Miller was unconscious. Paramedics arrived and pronounced him dead.

Homicide inspectors interviewed Roueche and arrested her early the next morning.

Prosecutors allege Roueche used a vodka bottle and a clock to beat Miller until he died.

I'm normally not a believer in the death penalty, but to use a perfectly good bottle of vodka for something as crass as murder is unacceptable. Dear Ms. Roueche, I hope that at the very least it was a premium vodka.

Catholicism and Homophobia in Washington D.C.

Via the Washington Post: The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

The time for tolerance must come to an end. This needless deference to a belief in mythology should be cast aside. This story and the corresponding debate serves to cement in my mind the reality that organized religion is nothing but an impediment toward progress in our society. Their arguments are ultimately specious and the archdiocese's attempt to extort a political compromise out of the D.C. lawmakers reveals the Catholic Church's hypocritical nature. Any effort to meddle in the Church's affairs would be met with an outcry of government interference, but this attempt to effectively blackmail the D.C. council is cloaked in their ever-thinning veil of religious freedom.

No more. Let them pull out of their contracts. Let the D.C. council give that money to other NGOs and non-profits who would be thrilled to offer services sans proselytizing. Embrace civics, not false hope. Fill a pothole, not a church's coffers. Let this be a clarion call to all who believe in the separation of Church and State.

It's time to cut the cord and make the separation real.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Lady Gaga and I will write a Bad Romance together

Love her or hate her, you have to give her props for these videos. This one is off the chain. I love it and want to see people wearing these outfits on the street. Seriously, she's so good I might actually pay for her album.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Unimaginable Grief: Fort Hood

My thoughts go out to the mothers, fathers, sister, brothers and friends of those people who were slain in Ft. Hood. Just looking at this photo sends a wave of emotion through me. I imagine she is a mother, and she has lost her child to this senseless act. I imagine that this brief emotion that courses through me is but the tiniest fraction of what she is experiencing. Then, I try to imagine how she will cope with this fundamental loss over the next few days, weeks, years. And that is unimaginable to me.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Friday, November 6, 2009

Finally, an official drink for the Castro: Protein-infused vodka

Devotion Vodka, a San Francisco creation, is billing itself as the world's first protein-infused vodka. Needless to say, this caused a few reactions in me. I'm proud that someone in SF has the balls to market something that just sounds wrong on first hearing it mentioned. But, if there's going to be something ultra-premium and weird with food, then it's going to come from NorCal.

Then, I giggled and thought, "Oh, Devotion, you're not the world's first." I mean, have you been to the Castro after Badlands closes for the night? Honey, there's plenty of vodka-infused protein being exchanged in the doorways, on the sidewalks, in the streets, the cars, the nearby alleys and apartments. And don't get me started about Muni. So, Devotion says protein-infused, I say vodka-infused. Tomato/to-mah-toe.

But, think of the possibilities. A Red Bull and Devotion could potentially provide me with all the necessary nutrients: caffeine, sugar, protein and vodka. What else does a body need?! My god, the makers of Devotion (thank you, Drew Adelman) have created the end-all, be-all wonder drink of the ages! Finally, we know what the pyramid builders must have imbibed.

And, if this guy is pouring, then color me at the bar. "Why yes, I WILL have a Devoted Bull! How did you guess?" (wink)

See you in the 'Stro.

William Shatner's dramatic reading of Levi Johnston's tweets

As I was typing this post title, I realized just how dirty it sounded. Still, I love William Shatner and his dramatic interpretations on Conan's show are legendary. I hope you enjoy both the fake Levi tweets and the real Levi tweets.

And somewhere, Shakespeare and generations of poets are spinning in their graves. Love live the English language!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Thoughts on Maine, Proposition 1, and the Tyranny of the Majority

Just one year ago, California stood on the brink of history: would a majority of voters choose to strip legally recognized Constitutional rights from a minority group? The answer was an anemic yes, but a yes nonetheless. Overnight, millions of California citizens were relegated to second-class citizenship. We (since I count myself among this minority) literally had fewer rights than our neighbors thanks to 52% of the voters. It hurt. And it was wrong.

Tonight, by the same percentage of voters, Maine committed the same act of Constitutional treachery. Swayed by ignorance, bigotry, fear and misunderstanding, another simple majority has eliminated the rights of a minority group. Tonight, 53% of the people who showed up to the polls in Maine were successful in their attack on civil liberty. I hope they are proud.

Now, though, it's our turn. Either we stand up, resolve to fight this fundamental breach of our nation's promise to its citizens that we are all equal, and condemn all who stand in our way until we win. Or we should give up. The choice is simple: fight or flight.

Now choose.

Friday, October 30, 2009

No peeking on the beach

I don't know about you, but if I saw this thing on the beach I would be asking myself, "When did they start letting kids on Mykonos?!" But, for the rest of you who are used to families on the beach, have no fear. This is not a case of gigantism meets molestation. It's actually "Little Lost Boy," a sculpture by Australian artist Paul Trefry in Sydney's Sculpture By The Sea exhibition. "Lost Boy" is actually supposed to be a nude, but conservative event organizers decided he needed a swimsuit.

I agree with the event organizers. No nude children, fats or femmes. Thanks to recent legislation, though, Antonio Sabato, Jr. and Jake Gyllenhaal are now required to sunbathe au naturel. I love Congress.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Anthony Bourdain's new show: Mouthing Off

On Alice Waters: “She’s Pol Pot in a muumuu. I saw her on 60 Minutes. She used six cords of wood to cook one egg for Lesley Stahl.”

I love a flair for the dramatic and I love it when niche celebrities pick on even niche-ier ones (did I just invent "niche-ier"?). To Bourdain's credit, he's probably half right. 3 cords for the egg, and 3 cords to boil the oil (super-premium extra virgin olive oil, of course) that Alice Waters is going to use as a punitive douche for Mr. Bourdain the next time he's in the Bay Area.

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

It's cold enough to need a jumper tonight

Sitting on the roof of the Limón building in the Mission, this man just wanted to get a better view of the sunset. So far, he's still there.


What do you think of the new look?

I was playing around last night and changed IT&S' look a little. What's your opinion? Better, worse, who reads this tripe anyway?

A.N. Whitehead

Friday, October 23, 2009

Until next time, Missouri: Thoughts on home and family

It's late October and I've enjoyed days in the 70s, 60s, 40s, and (I hope for tomorrow) the 50s. Unlike San Francisco, I have had the chance to see wide open spaces and the colors of autumn that we so easily forget in the California coastal bubble. On top of that, I got to spend some relaxing time with my family, including my "new" brother in law and nephews. I'm quite the popular uncle--mainly because I'm mean, I think. Kids love that. Plus, my brother Mark was able to travel here between work and having to spend time with my other nephew who has been sick for such a long time (get well soon, Jake!). We're bad brothers because we couldn't remember how long it had been since we had seen one another. Luckily, ours is an easy relationship. Awkwardness is for those WASPy types who don't hug.

It's always a little bittersweet and depressing visiting Missouri. My life is very different than what is typically lived here. Not better, but different. Dense coastal city vs. suburban/rural middle America. It really doesn't get much different, and I don't think I could live here again. But my family is here. And that's a little sad. Time passes, and I'm missing things. I'll see them at most twice a year. So, I get to dip into the stream rather than enjoy the flow. Thankfully, technology helps. I told them we have to use our webcams much more going forward.

Still, I can't help my dad move things around the house via webcam. I can't pet Sebastian (yes, he's a dog, not the gardener) with my mouse. I can't give my mom and sister a hug when they need one. I'm a little ghost-like in their lives. And that, my friends, is a little sad.

But, life happens. And I love San Francisco and the west coast. So, I hope you can help me convince them to come see me too. I've got a bed and/or sofa they can crash on. I'm a decent host who cleans the sheets and offers a nice glass of wine with dinner. And SF is quite a place to play tourist.

Until next spring, Show Me State. Have a great (mild) winter and take care of my family for me.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Cement Tagging on SFist reminds me of another blog

Check out "Concrete Diaries" at

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Fail Whale in Mendocino

It's sad for me to joke about this in the title, but I can rarely help myself. I'm always amazed at the enormity of these creatures. In fact, I was just talking to my dad about blue whales today. Despite their delicious blubber and lack of interest in "The Biggest Loser," I still think we should protect them. They are our cousins after all (and should REALLY check out "Biggest Loser." Jillian could help them shed a few pounds.)

Posted via web from toddx's posterous

Farm-opoly: A Game for all ages

I noticed this on Wednesday at Race Brothers in Springfield, MO and had to share it with you. Apparently, the point of the game is to buy up all the local farms and/or force them to grow only genetically- modified crops. The game is a Parker Bros/Monsanto joint venture.

Alas, I fought the corporate farm, but they gave my piggies the flu. Then my family caught it and I had to harvest my irradiated tomacco all by myself. Farming is hard work.

Posted via email from toddx's posterous

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Pour some sugar on me, Wal-Mart

It's truly pornographic how much sugar they have for sale here. Missouri, show me your blood glucose levels.

Posted via email from toddx's posterous