Monday, November 29, 2010

What does the MOIST button do?

This gave us a few laughs tonight. Good times. Love you Mom!

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Found at the parents' house: Lady Frog with lipstick


Sure, she's hot and all, but I'm not going to kiss her. I don't swing that way.

Eat or Fat?

It's Missouri, so the terms are intimately related.

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Found at the parents' house: Dalmatian statue (very life-like)


I used to think this was a stuffed dog of some sort, but it's hard and shellacked (does anyone know what shellac is any more?) and surely wasn't alive. Or was it? Seriously, this thing is anatomically correct and, if looked at in just the right light, follows you with its eyes. Don't turn your back on it.

Found at the parents' house: One frog and one mushroom


He's clearly high. But I'm impressed by his bow tie.

Remember these things? You would melt the pellets into the shape and get this great window bauble? I want this.

Wow! I'm in a JC Penney!

Who knew they still existed?

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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Found at the parents' house: Tires painted like Lifesavers


Because my mom rocks and she made them for the boys. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Found at the parents' house: Blair Witch Frog


This is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. I'm locking my bedroom door tonight.

Do you have Prince Albert in a can?


Do you have Prince Albert in a can in a chair?

Okay, I have no idea how to explain this "found" parental item. Just enjoy it.

Found at the parents' house: Naked woman weighing herself


This is one of those amazing pictures that defies all explanation. Why does the dog want to torment this poor woman who clearly has body issues? Why does a woman with body issues weigh herself while wearing high heeled shoes? What does she actually weigh?!!

I think my dad found this at an auction many years ago, and it is amazing. If I could sneak it out of the house, I would. But, I'm afraid my friend Beth would threaten to cut me if I didn't give it to her. Beth, I know this is SO you. I'll bequeath it to you in my will.

Up with bears

This saddens me. Yes, I am saddened.

Why is the bear in a wheelchair? Why just four balloons? The UP guy had a thousand or more. And why is the bear so melancholy? Is it because of the bear polio? I may shed a tear.

Found at the parents' house: Cookie Monster?


I always thought this was Cookie Monster, but he was a bank and held a peace flower. Thus began my conflicted feelings about capitalism and the military-industrial complex.

Cows do an economy good

Seriously, vegan? Good luck with that. I'm glad they taste so good and are slow and dumb. Without them, America would be doomed. Yay cows.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving, Todd, and Tea

Plus a little sunset (but that doesn't start with T).

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As much as I am a part of the city now, a piece of me always yearns to be here. At times I'm envious of that younger me and his Thoreauvian life.

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Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanks-carbing Day!

I hope that you too avoided most vegetables today. Stuffing and potatoes and pasta and rice, oh my!! Thanks to you all for reading and saying hi once in a while. For the rest of my trip, I'll be sharing Missouri Curiosities and Stuff in My Parents' House. Stay tuned!

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Thanksgiving weather report: Missouri edition

That's no typo. It's freezing. Literally.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Holy Turkey Day, I'm flying to a Red State!


Get ready for a tryptophan-addled journey to the Show-Me State, my friends. Thanksgiving 2010 is headed to Missouri!

Send wine.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Rainy Friday night in SF

The weatherman said to blame Canada for this early winter storm. Rainy with temperatures in the 40s deserves more than simple blame, though. I demand thermonuclear retaliation!!

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

God hates figs?

via Mark 11:12-14: The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, 'May no one ever eat fruit from you again.' And his disciples heard him say it."

But, but, but, what about Fig Newtons?! They're fruit AND cake!

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Monday, November 15, 2010

Zero Zero's Arancini

Try not to be jealous of my seven (yes, seven!) arancini from Zero Zero. You see, some times you just have to say, "Look, four arancini just won't get it. Bring us SEVEN RISOTTO BALLS!!" When you have achieved this particular gastronomic status, you will understand. You don't just need seven arancini. You deserve them.

P.S. Why, yes, that is a black garlic aioli that the arancini are resting on. I'm glad you noticed.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I use ham as an accessory


Drink up! 2006 Porter Creek Syrah

I bought this bottle a few years ago after a trip to Guerneville for Gay Retreat. I couldn't remember what it was like, but tonight was the night to find out. At first, I was underwhelmed. This wine had no depth, no complexity, no body. Why had I purchased it?!
Then I let it breathe. Ah, there's the good stuff. It completely changed character over the course of 20 minutes. Now that's a good glass of vino.

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Friday, November 12, 2010

Red State challenges San Francisco's gastronomic status with new delicacy: Beards!

What won't people in the South eat? Dip it in batter, deep fry it and serve it with a side of gravy and just about anything tastes good. But hair?!

A Kentucky man claims two men cut off his beard and forced him to swallow it while they held his brother at knife point after a dispute over the sale of a lawn mower.

I'm not sure what a lawn or a lawn "mower" is, but if it's anything like a sous vide cooker, then our chefs better be worried.

Rise up, young chefs! Head to the Mission and start trimming those goatees. A James Beard Award could be in your future

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New streetwear trend in San Francisco: Homeless Chic

Three (count them!), THREE pairs of pants on one humble man. If you're not layering your jeans these days, you might as well pack up, move to Tulsa, and start shopping at Stein Mart.

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I think I'm done with this week

How about you?

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Walden Pond

One of the most amazing parts of my trip to Boston and Maine in October was my visit to Walden Pond. I used to read Walden every year and once drank nothing but water for 77 days because "that's what Thoreau drank." Yes, I was crazy English major. But, I still think Walden is an amazing piece of literature and the pond is still gorgeous.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

All art boils down to this: A naked and sleepy Painter of Light

Oscar Wilde said, "All art is quite useless." But clearly he didn't know about keywords and search terms on eBay. When looked at this way, art is extremely valuable when it includes a nude Thomas Kinkade sleeping like an angel.

Xmas Un-Want List: Spiderman Dolphin sweatshirt

Just say no, people. Stop blending random images that have no connection. Your sweatshirt is not Tumblr!

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Wisdom of Morrissey

"I want people to know that almost everything that concerns them in their daily lives is of no consequence whatsoever. Nothing and nobody is really important, so people, realizing that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race ‘round the supermarket and steal Mars bars and, y’know, kiss kittens and sit on the back of bread vans. Whatever makes people happy they should just do it, ‘cos time is a mere scratch and life is nothing."

— Morrissey

Thursday, November 4, 2010

And a double Deuteronomy back at you!

Seriously, stop using quotes from this book as the entire basis for your argument. It's both intellectually weak and argumentatively lazy.

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Guest Post: Is President Obama Cock Blocking the Gays?

From Long Distance Love (you ARE reading this he said/she said blog, aren't you?!):

She said:

No...and yes.  I have to use bulleted points for this one.

1)  He's not a king, he's a president:

The rough part about this whole conversation is that I definitely agree that President Obama could and should be doing more for gay rights.  However, I don't agree that he should repeal DADT using his mighty king like power.  I didn't like W using his power to do things I disagreed with and I don't want President Palin using her mighty ignorance to, say, overturn the healthcare bill that just gave 30 million Americans healthcare coverage.  So, President Obama is doing exactly what he should be doing, legally, by appealing the DADT ruling.  It's his job to defend laws, even laws that he may or may not agree with.  It's the DOJ's job as well.  I have heard the argument that a presidents past have made decisions like this and I acknowledge that it has been done.  But this is rare and not something that is good for America as a trend.

2)  He never promised us anything:

I do think he should be encouraging congress to take more action and he should be encouraging the American people to be more empathetic and open minded and to support equality.  I can't imagine all y'all are that shocked, I mean, he's not even in favor of  gay marriage, he supports civil unions.  He's not the lefty everyone says he is.  He said on the campaign trail he's not going to do all of this for us.  It can happen, if WE make it happen.  I honestly haven't done a thing for gay rights other than not being a bigot or a homophobe.  I post articles on my facebook but I'm not a member of the gay/straight alliance at my college, I don't protest, picket, or volunteer for any causes.  It's more my fault than Obama's that gay rights haven't gone anywhere.  Change doesn't happen from the top down, it happens with us.  He never campaigned on a liberal hopey changey thing, we projected our dreams onto him.  He was very honest about his abilities, he said it would be hard work.  I'd prefer the removal of DADT be done the RIGHT way, so that America retains it's ability to ward off power hungry politicians. 

3) I hate to say we're all spoiled but.  We're all spoiled:

I know equal rights are not a privelage (hence, rights) and I'm not bothered that people are disappointed.  What bothers me is the reaction.  The "loss of faith", the jaded defeat.  It's typical liberal stuff.  Healthcare reform?  We has it.  GM bailout saving thousands of middle class jobs?  We has it.  Stimulus package that worked as intended?  We has it.  Allowing the return of dead soldiers bodies to be filmed so George Bush can see the horror of the war he lead us into falsely?  We has it.  1.4 Billion dollars for veteran's?  We has it.  Repealed the ban on federal funding for life saving stem cell research?  We has it.  Need I go on?  He's done a lot.  Don't become dispirited because you didn't get EVERYTHING you wanted.  Just keep at it.  Write him, call your reps, do MORE to make the causes you believe in, the causes we all believe in.   

AND, can I just say, he's gotten a lot more done than anyone since Bill Clinton has done.  Are we not talking about it?  Is it not closer than ever to being repealed???  It is.  It's because Obama's awesome.  Even though he didn't give me my new unicorn.

He said:

Look. I'm queer. I voted for President Obama. I voted for the audacity of hope. For change. For a progressive mind and will and philosophy to guide and shape our government.

Instead, I got this. The Obama administration says it wants to repeal DADT but, when DADT is found to be UNCONSTITUTIONAL, the same administration chooses to file an appeal of the judge's injuction against DADT. As CNN puts it, "In effect, the administration wants to continue barring gays from the military even though it ultimately favors repealing 'don't ask, don't tell.'" I call that "having your cake and eating it, too."


I also call it political hypocrisy. It's an effort by President Obama to court string along the Gay Vote while simultaneously trying not to alienate and frighten the more homophobic members of his constituency. You know, the people who are more likely not to vote for him anyway? Yeah, those people. Meanwhile, the millions of young and "undecideds" who were energized by the President's progressive, liberal message of change have had their political hope gutted. They voted for change and they got milquetoast political expediency.

Yes, Mr. President, I'm disappointed. And, no, I don't think you've done enough with your mandate when it comes to gay rights. Instead of change I can believe in, you've given me change I have to hope for. It doesn't taste as sweet.