Tuesday, May 31, 2011

On the dangers of hot tubbing with William Shatner

Don't think for a second that I didn't immediately add this to my Netflix queue.

Don't wash that man right out of your hair. Take a pill instead! Metyrapone

The term "memory modification" freaks me out a bit. But Novartis doesn't care. I couldn't make it through the "Spotless Mind" movie (awful!), but I'm aware of the premise. Jim Carrey goes to a voodoo doctor or something, gets zapped by radiation, and slowly loses his mind. That's my memory of it anyway.

Now, I clearly don't need Metyrapone because I don't remember what I had for breakfast, but I get that some people might want to swallow a pill and forget the past weekend's bad decisions. I saw your date. I'd take that pill too.

Seriously, though, these memories make us who we are: good, bad, and ugly. The midwesterner in me wants to say, "Deal with it and move on." The westcoaster in me thinks, "You need to talk to someone. Here's the number to a great therapist." But, I don't think I can endorse taking a pill to delete your memories. Isn't that what vodka is for?

Keep calm and carry on, folks. Leave the pills for allergy meds and recreational experimentation.

Top 5 anti-social behaviors I have to stop myself from doing on the sidewalk

On the city streets.

1. Pushing bicyclists over when they ride past me on the sidewalk.
2. Running head-on into people who won't yield even a body-width's worth of space on the sidewalk.
3. Poking slow walking phalanxes of people as they meander along the sidewalk.
4. Screaming at the ticket scalpers on the sidewalk during Giants games.
5. Wanting to slap people who walk along the sidewalks chewing their food like animals.

Clearly, I have issues with sidewalks.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

If the world were a village of 100 people

More great graphics here.

The Malbec is gone. Long live the Cannonau!

I'm dogsitting in the East Bay today. This provided an awesome opportunity to invite my friends Beth and Egan over for a Memorial Day cookout. Beth brought pickled onions, salad fixings, and a kickass sweet potato pie. We also had burgers, sausages, and plenty of yummy side dishes.

The sun even managed to hold out for a while and let us sit outside. Unfortunately, the NorCal clouds won eventually and forced us indoors. But the party didn't stop. We ate, we talked, the music played, and there was pie. Before we knew it, it was 9 pm and Louise (Beth's cat) demanded her insulin shot.

I hope you all had an amazing Saturday. This glass of Cannonau is for you.

My 2000th Post?!?! Shocking revelations, nudity, murder, and horrifying hairdon'ts

Photo 333

I can't believe we made it to 2000. If you have been around awhile, you know that this poor little blog was born on a long forgotten service known as MySpace when I lived in Hawai'i and eventually migrated to Blogger when moved back to San Francisco. And now, 400 years later, here we are (always write for the future, kiddos).

If you're reading this, you have my gratitude--and pity. Ha ha. Seriously, I hope I've managed to amuse you once in a while and, if I'm really lucky, made you think about something from the sarcastic, caffeinated point of view that Iced Tea & Sarcasm strives for. Sure, we miss the mark some times (did you see that last post?), but our aim is sincere. Now, if you can explain to me why I adopt the "Royal 'We'" when I talk about the blog, I'd be grateful. Is this blog a person? Is it a corporation? Will someone please buy it for $20 million and put us out of our misery?!

I wish I had some brilliant bons mots to share. How's this? "Don't write angry emails. It's a record of your anger, and someone will save that email." That's one of my best bits of HR advice. Another email suggestion: before you press send, ask yourself: "What do you want the outcome of this email to be?" This might save you from sending those rash, uncontemplated emails. Other than that, wash your ears, wear clean underwear, know what words mean before you use them, and never get involved in a land war in Asia.

As for revelations, they are patently unshocking. I'm sitting at home on a Friday night and tapping away at my Mac. Some revelation, huh? I did, however, enjoy that bottle of Syrah I opened much earlier in the night. I guess it's time to reveal that I like wine. And iced tea. I'll give you a minute to gather your thoughts and deal with the shock.

Nudity is truly something you don't want to see on this blog. But, there was that earlier posting. And the rest of the internet. Iced Tea & Sarcasm, however, cannot condone the nudity of its author. The Surgeon General will put a "Just Say No" label all over that mess.

Regarding murder, I bet there has been one recently (after all, we are close to Oakland), but I doubt it was caused by iced tea--or sarcasm. I do, however, think that reading this blog could prevent one from committing murder. So, murderers of the world, read the blog. Waste your time. Save a life.

As for hairdon'ts, well, you've seen my photos before. 'Nuff said, huh? I mean, look at that photo above. Scareeeeey. As the great sage Morrissey once said, "I do maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong…” My friends, I have the wrongest life of all. But, the hair's still there, so I can't complain too much.

Despite the boring nature of this 2000th post, I did spend the day in contemplation. You see, today was an odd day for this blogging milestone to happen because I started the day with the shocking news that a former colleague had committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. News like that definitely strips away the casual veneer of daily life. And, despite my best efforts, I was only able to make one sarcastic remark about it. It's my defense mechanism, so don't judge me too harshly. Instead of floating above it all in my natural state of sarcastic aloofness, I spent much of the day in a distracted haze and was reminded of just how lucky I am to have amazing friends and family and, yes, a community of like-minded stranger-friends who enjoy reading and watching and sharing the odd, funny, terrible, amusing, dreadful, and thoroughly magical things we find on our journey through this life. I wish us all the best and a lot of laughs to get us through the un-best.

Thanks for reading these 2000 posts (or at least this rambling one). You truly deserve a medal. Aloha, mahalo, and remember to vote early and often.

Todd X.

Friday, May 27, 2011

I'm not sure what they're selling

But I'm buying.

Remember when men's underwear was boring? And straight? Well, this is progress. I'm glad 25% of the population is gay now.

Now Drinking: Porcupine juice from South Africa

When I think of South Africa, I think about District 9 and the Prawns. I think about the hot swimmer in Muriel's Wedding. I think about Nelson Mandela and how many babies were named Winnie and Nelson in the 80s. But, I rarely think about their winemaking industry. Tonight, though, I'm enjoying this 2008 Porcupine Ridge Syrah from South Africa. With the tasting notes "spicy, rich, aromatic, textured, and lingering" plus a Staff Pick sign at K&L, I was essentially destined to try it. I can't refuse a Staff Pick!

Now that I've tasted this Porcupine, I'm glad apartheid is over. I would hate to have missed out on this and other nice wines from South Africa. So, thanks for that, too, Nelson. Cheers!

Got Caffeine? Now popcorn does

150-200 mg of caffeine per bag and permitted by my diet?! Color me Biofuel!

Check out ThinkGeek's description:

Imagine a bag of really good kettle corn. It's sweet and salty in perfect combination. Now imagine taking that bag and shoving so much caffeine in it that your brain would explode if you ate it all. Ok, now tone that back just a hair and stop imagining. You now are picturing BioFuel Caffeinated Popcorn, and it's real and real delicious.

Now, are you really going to say no to that?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Pickle Surprise!

Ham. Ham...? Ham!

Which came first? The camera or the egg?

By blending egg with camera, Francesco Capponi has sidestepped this age-old question. Now, the camera is the egg; the egg is the camera. It's the perfect blend of form and function. Why would I reach for my slim iPhone when I want to snap an impromptu portrait when I could carefully pull an egg out of my pocket? (Is that an egg camera in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Or is it mumps?)

I'll give this to Francesco, though: the photos are really cool. Go make an egg camera today!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I miss Li'l Sebastian

If you're not watching "Parks and Recreation," you're missing awesomeness like this.

10 Things That Make My Sarcastic Life Fantastic

I don't really mean this to be a sarcastic list except that anything that has to do with me is necessarily limned with sarcasm. These are just some pretty fantastic things and they happen to be in my life. And, since I seem to have survived the Rapture (is that a good or bad thing), I thought I'd share.
  1. That first sip of iced tea each day.
  2. The time I had to hold up a newborn colt who couldn't stand up on his own so he could feed from his mother.
  3. The first time I saw Mt. Rainier.
  4. Listening to Dinah Washington sing.
  5. Drinking a bottle wine with Rand while sitting next to the Seine.
  6. Getting Easter candy in the mail from my mom even though I'm in my late, late, early 30s.
  7. The smell of the exhaust from a dryer as I'm walking along in the city.
  8. Pu'uhonua o Honaunau
  9. Getting to walk to work every day.
  10. Laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Hat tip to The Fusionist

Reclaiming bike lanes for San Francisco's homeless

I like seeing the bike lanes in SF being used. I just wish the homeless would stay out of them so the bicyclists could actually use them--and stay OFF THE SIDEWALKS!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Phone Booth Series

The Phone Booth Series, a set on Flickr.

It was a warm and sunny day in Davis, California. We went to see our friend Rachel, but we discovered something about ourselves along the journey. We discovered that we all look pretty darned good inside a red phone booth.

Darth Vader will work for food--or play trombone and dance the Salsa

Mind is officially blown.

Why I Like Taxes


Every two weeks, I pay for the right to complain as much as I want. That fee is composed of those fun deductions on my paycheck: Federal tax, State tax, OASDI, disability, and Medicare. Don't like my opinions? Tough. I paid my dues. Now sit back and enjoy. XXOO

Rocking and/or Rolling in Patricia's Green in Hayes Valley

Yesterday turned out to be much better weather-wise than I had expected (no thanks to KQED's weather report or the Weather Channel iPhone app), so Rand and I decided to take a walk to get coffee and a cookie. It was so nice that we kept walking and ended up in Hayes Valley. While sitting in the little park there called Patricia's Green watching the dogs play and enjoying the sunshine, we noticed the guy pictured above. Let's call him Rocky.

Rocky looked outside that day and thought, "This day is calling for my sweet electronic tunes. Where's my Casio?" Then he strapped it on, attached a Solo cup for tips, and headed out. And here's what he played for us. Ah, San Francisco, we <3 you.

Minnesota welcomes "most" of you: Voting to ban gay marriage

From The Advocate:

After a five-hour debate Saturday night, the Minnesota House voted 70 to 62 to place a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage on the November 2012 ballot, allowing the people of the state to decide the fate of marriage equality.

I want to think the people of Minnesota are pragmatic, sensible, and decent--a sort of island of sanity in a fairly insane part of the country. But, if they manage to let themselves be hijacked by this ugly, bigoted, and ultimately un-American political battle, I may lose all respect for what's left of my idealized version of the Midwest. The law is progressive. Rights progress and are expanded and extended, not diminished and withheld. Dear citizens of Minnesota, you must not write hatred and intolerance into your constitution. You are better than that.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

My favorite #rapturebomb photo so far

Are you planning a #rapturebomb photo shoot today?

Is anyone still here? Today is Judgment Day (in case you missed it)

Now, I'm not one to argue with billboards, especially those of a religious nature, but if you're reading this post, then something has gone horribly wrong for someone (and I don't think it's you and me). Have a drink and toast your survival of this particular Judgment Day. You may not be so lucky when "Judgment Day Part 2: Revenge of the Angel Nerds" comes out.

In the meantime, let's all try doing this, shall we?

Post-Rapture weather: I hope you have sunscreen

Will SPF 30 be enough?

Welcome to the Apocamix!

It's the end of the world with Love Parade sounds. Dance 'til the end, my friends!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Cute furry of the day

I'll see you in heaven, Mr. Bear.

Eating the Rapture: What to eat before being beamed to heaven

Should I go to my neighborhood standby, Zero Zero, where I can get pizza, meatballs, bruschetta with avocado, and delicious pasta?

Or, do I go to flour+water and get pizza and delicious pasta? Look, no matter what, I'm carbo-loading for this Rapture. I'm pretty sure it's a looooooong trip.

If Brazil is heaven, then let the Rapture come!

Before the Rapture, I deserve to go to Brazil. We ALL deserve to go. I'm pretty sure it's in the Gospel of Paolo. Also, can someone tell me what is in the water down there? I'm convinced they're feeding these boys steroids and stem cells from day 1.

I'll take two #1s, a #4, and a side of #2 and #5. And a margarita.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Shirtless Jake Gyllenhaal: The REAL photos

Well, the earlier photo of Jake posing like Grace Jones was fake. But, here is every real shirtless photo of Jake. Enjoy.

Cabs in San Francisco: A Modest Proposal

I couldn't agree with @burritojustice more. Except I don't think the cabs need a fare increase in the first place.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Oprah comes out on her last show!


At least that's what "insiders" predict. But, really, can you argue with the National Examiner? It MUST be true.

Posted via email from toddx's posterous

DIY Wine Glasses: Baby doll heads full of Pinot Noir are a dream come true

I didn't come up with this idea, but if someone can make one by 5 PM, I'll give it a test run.

Chicken and Dumplings from Leopold's in SF via 7x7


It's cool and potentially rainy out. Thus, I need these dumplings. Dear Leopold's, do you deliver?

Posted via email from toddx's posterous

The new Nike "Lollipop MSG" sandals have unexpected side-effects

As they say, "Cleanliness is next to shodliness." Or, it's possible this man is part-cat.

I have to admit that NYC wins this round in the public transit showdown. I haven't seen anything this weird on Muni in SF in a long time.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

"Oh, the religious contradictions we'll find" by Dr. Seuss

Tattoo of Leviticus 18:22 which forbids homosexuality: $200.

The fact that Leviticus 19:28 forbids tattoos: Priceless.

via Pophangover

Facebook from beyond the grave

I want to be Dan's friend.

If you were Louis Vuitton, would you sue this artist?

No? That's probably why you're not Louis Vuitton. Because the company DID sue and lost. The court in the Hague said:

the importance of Plesner (freedom of expression through her work) outweighs the importance of Vuitton (protection of property). Using Plesner of the design is considered functional by the court and proportionate.

I. Am. Shocked. When did it become acceptable to deny corporate rights for any reason--let alone some milquetoast argument about art and freedom of expression? Fight back Corporate Earth!!

Jake Gyllenhaal or cruel joke?

I saw this on dlisted today and had to share. I hope it's real for many reasons: the socks, the humor, the panache of it all. Note to self: do stretching exercises.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Amazing homage to Calvin & Hobbes: Hobbes and Bacon

The guys behind Pants Are Overrated have hit one out of the park with this. Taking the final panel of Calvin and Hobbes, they imagine what Calvin is like 26 years later the result is pitch perfect Go check them out.

Congratulations! It's a baby!!

Now, prepare to be haunted by it for the rest of your life.

The Ultimate Oreo: Triple Double Madness!

I just read on The Consumerist that Nabisco has confirmed the existence of this truly American culinary product. "This summer, Oreo will introduce a new 'twist' on the iconic cookie: the Triple Double Oreo," they said in a statement. "Three chocolate Oreo wafers with two layers of creme — one classic vanilla, and one chocolate. While we tried our best to safeguard this news, we couldn't hold back the buzz."

After I eat this much high fructose corn syrup, I won't be able to hold back the buzz either.