Monday, April 30, 2012

How I pack for vacation

So, what is this supplement supposed to do for you?


Taken at Walgreens

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Saturday, April 28, 2012

Dream Analysis by Todd X: Tree throwing man

I'm not a big dreamer. Sleep is for sleeping. I put up with enough of you people when I'm awake. Permit me my little death slices of blissful unconsciousness. However, every once in a while, I have an intruder.

Last night, for example, I can remember just one snippet of a dream. I was in bed (in my dream) and someone broke into my room and threw a chopped off tree at me. It was something like a pine or cedar tree.

It woke me up--temporarily. This was no Disney 3D Lorax stopping in to tell me to recycle (or was it...?). No. The man was scary and angry. And he had a tree. And probably a chainsaw!! I'm sure my life was in danger. "Killed too young" the epitaph would read.

I'm no tree-hugger. I like trees. I'm just not "in like" with them. But, I have no guilt about my interactions with them. Sure, that Canadian forest I burned down when I was 15 was tragic, but I'm sure there are some saplings there now. Long story short, trees and I are good.

So, what have I done to lumberjacks? Or the chainsaw industry? Or was it Santa in his street clothes? I believe, Santa. I believe!! Just don't wake me up again. I seriously need the beauty sleep.

Freud, eat your heart out.

 

 

New Game: Make up a caption for this creature

Caption

I found this in my neighborhood and it needs some bons mots, my friends. Can you help him out?

Bridge and Pier

Bridge and pier Last weekend was pretty amazing weather-wise in San Francisco. Here's hoping for a repeat while I do my shopping at Macy's. It's Friends and Family Weekend, yo! Gotta save that 25%.

Troy by Sinéad O'Connor: This should give you chills

Friday, April 27, 2012

Draw Something: When good intentions go wrong

Photo

As I was watching this being drawn, I thought, "But there aren't enough letters for 'bacchanalia'!" Or was it Wicker Man? Apparently, they're sacrificing the taller one with the yellow twigs wrapped around its head with the weird red-tipped weapon. Wait, is that a heart that's been plucked out?! Oh, family... It must be the Mansons. No... Regardless, these terrifying creatures will be haunting me for a while.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Best Thing To Hold Onto

Audrey was a smart lady.

What to watch: Hungry Hungry Hippos

Forget the Avengers. I would rather watch giant hippos (preferably radioactive) attack the planet. Now, who would you cast as the Hippo Leader?

  1. Rush Limbaugh
  2. Oprah
  3. Shirtless Zac Efron
  4. Meryl Streep
  5. Tilda Swinton
  6. Other

Need a new career? Try Artisanal Pencil Sharpening!

The world has too many lawyers, doctors, and organic free-range chicken farmers. We need more artisans. People who care about their craft. People who care about their writing utensils. We need more artisanal pencil sharpeners. I beg of you: Watch this film. Be converted. Sharpen my pencils!! Please note: if you make a career change as a result of this blog post, I will expect a lifetime discount on your pencil sharpening services. This is a binding contract.

Perhaps they should hire a proofreader first: Ditigal Marketing Manager

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Ann Patchett on the Pulitzer gaffe and the need for long-form fiction

Following complex story lines stretches our brains beyond the 140 characters of sound-bite thinking, and staying within the world of a novel gives us the ability to be quiet and alone, two skills that are disappearing faster than the polar icecaps.

via nytimes.com

Well said, Ann. Now, please follow me on Twitter @toddx! kthxbye.

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Saturday, April 14, 2012

New Favorite Dr. Who Quote

River Song: "Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought, 'Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish, I think I'll kill the Führer. Who's with me?'"

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Want: Qlocktwo W watch

Finally, a watch I can read!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Cheesecake-stuffed strawberries: I just can't quit you

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Under what circumstances would I not want these? Am I not human? Do I not have a soul? Okay, so neither of those apply, but I still like fatty delicious sweet things, so give me CHEESECAKE!!

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The 7 Rules of Draw Something

Are you playing Draw Something? No? Well, don't bother. It's a fad that's about over. But, in case you're lured in, I want to share the 7 Rules of Draw Something:

1. No matter what you think, it's a penis, not a finger. People can't draw and/or they can't illustrate simple concepts. Or they're just perverts.

2. Give more details than you think you need. It may be clear to you, but I'm here to tell you: it's NOT clear.

3. Stick figures are fine. Writing words is not. It's a guessing game built on drawing, not writing.

4. No one knows who Justin Bieber is. Don't try to draw it. It sounds awful.

5. At one time or another, you will draw something racist/sexist/homophobic/ageist/anti-amphibian. It's okay. We all do it.

6. Don't "nudge" me. I'm probably busy ignoring you.

7. There's no justice in the Draw Something vocabulary if SEXWORMS doesn't describe this drawing.

That's all. Now, go forth, be fruitful and multiply or divide. Whatever you crazy SEXWORMS feel like doing.

 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012