Ah, I got you! It's not real turtle. It's just another example of American Exceptionalism!! That is, exceptional in the obesity category.
Let's break out the Lipitor and get cooking.
The horrifying recipe:
1. Make ground beef patties and top with sharp cheddar cheese
2. Wrap the patties in a heart-clogging bacon weave.
3. Next, complete the masterpiece by adding hotdogs as the heads, legs, and tails. Be sure to cut slits for toes and shape the tail into a point.
4. Place your little Frankenstein monster turtles on an oven rack, cover loosely with foil, and bake for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees.
They should come out crispy and screaming. Just like real turtles (or so I'm told).