Contrarian Mondays with Todd X.--A Solution for Homelessness

Homeless: Covent Garden

I have a modest proposal for a major problem that I want to present to you as my subject for this Contrarian Monday. Homelessness, as you may have read in The Economist and Us Weekly, is the shame of the nation. Meanwhile, home prices in the cities where the homeless tend to congregate continue to skyrocket (or at least remain overly-inflated in the blue state real estate market of the coastal cities). The dream of owning a home in a city like San Francisco is far beyond the ken of any Tom, Dick or dirty hairy homeless person. Panhandling may be a good gig for the newly arrived vagabond; but, despite it's tax-free earning potential, one probably will never afford a decent place with parking and a view in Pac Heights on a beggar's salary.

Pacific Heights

Therefore, I say we take a look at a long-term solution. I call it the Nebraska Compromise. You see, no one likes Nebraska. And, well, no one really likes the homeless either. They're truly made for one another: Nebraska, that great potential holding pen in the midwest; the homeless and their shopping carts brimming with recycled bottles, aluminum cans, and last week's burrito special. I sense a melody in their fusion.

Now, what I suggest won't be easy. It will require many, many trucks.


Or trains. Even better. As the child of a railroad family, trains make more sense. And, frankly, trains are a little more romantic.

So, this relocation project will take a 4-pronged approach. L.A., San Francisco, and Seattle will coordinate from the west, while New York will act as the superdelegate of the east. The convoys will converge on Omaha and unleash their unwashed masses yearning to breathe free in the Great Plains. It'll be like Ellis Island with 24/7 coverage on CNN. I can't wait.


Lower taxes, cheaper homes, friendly, helpful Christian people, and four distinct and enjoyable seasons will combine to create a recipe for success. And think of all the unused space in Nebraska. Compared to the density of NYC or SF, Nebraska could easily absorb both coasts' homeless with room to spare. (After all, the illegals will have to go somewhere, too. . . )

I invite you to join me in this creative solution to a troubling problem. Call your representatives, email your senators, and visit

Thanks in advance for all your help.


Anonymous said…
That's funny. You know here in the Midwest, I heard the same thing only it involved Gay people and California but I'm not a big fan of California.

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