Monday, March 31, 2008
I have a modest proposal for a major problem that I want to present to you as my subject for this Contrarian Monday. Homelessness, as you may have read in The Economist and Us Weekly, is the shame of the nation. Meanwhile, home prices in the cities where the homeless tend to congregate continue to skyrocket (or at least remain overly-inflated in the blue state real estate market of the coastal cities). The dream of owning a home in a city like San Francisco is far beyond the ken of any Tom, Dick or dirty hairy homeless person. Panhandling may be a good gig for the newly arrived vagabond; but, despite it's tax-free earning potential, one probably will never afford a decent place with parking and a view in Pac Heights on a beggar's salary.
Therefore, I say we take a look at a long-term solution. I call it the Nebraska Compromise. You see, no one likes Nebraska. And, well, no one really likes the homeless either. They're truly made for one another: Nebraska, that great potential holding pen in the midwest; the homeless and their shopping carts brimming with recycled bottles, aluminum cans, and last week's burrito special. I sense a melody in their fusion.
Now, what I suggest won't be easy. It will require many, many trucks.
Or trains. Even better. As the child of a railroad family, trains make more sense. And, frankly, trains are a little more romantic.
So, this relocation project will take a 4-pronged approach. L.A., San Francisco, and Seattle will coordinate from the west, while New York will act as the superdelegate of the east. The convoys will converge on Omaha and unleash their unwashed masses yearning to breathe free in the Great Plains. It'll be like Ellis Island with 24/7 coverage on CNN. I can't wait.
Lower taxes, cheaper homes, friendly, helpful Christian people, and four distinct and enjoyable seasons will combine to create a recipe for success. And think of all the unused space in Nebraska. Compared to the density of NYC or SF, Nebraska could easily absorb both coasts' homeless with room to spare. (After all, the illegals will have to go somewhere, too. . . )
I invite you to join me in this creative solution to a troubling problem. Call your representatives, email your senators, and visit www.nebraskaorbust2008.org.
Thanks in advance for all your help.
Friday, March 28, 2008
And, of course, I can't leave without taking a minute to show off those lovely Cock-Ts (minus one, I fear--Mel wasn't up to the challenge that night). Chester's intro may have gone on a little long, too, but please keep in mind that he's usually drunk and high during these things:
Thursday, March 27, 2008
This reminds me of a particular woman who used to dance at a bar/club called the Downbeat. She moved effortlessly on the dance floor, slipping in between people, waving like an underwater plant to the beat, almost always with a cigarette in her hand. She never burned anyone. She was our metronome.
I wonder where she is today.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
News at 11!!
(03-26) 16:28 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- Traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge remains sluggish in the aftermath of a 10-car crash that injured at least seven people this afternoon and closed the span for a time in both directions, the California Highway Patrol said.
The final lane closure was lifted at 4:18 p.m., more than an hour and a half after a Volvo station wagon heading north crossed into the southbound lanes at midspan and hit another car, the CHP said.
The head-on collision at 2:43 p.m. caused a series of chain-reaction crashes, CHP Officer Mary Ziegenbein said.
Let's be careful out there, folks.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Her most recent bowl contained a surprise, though. Although it was nowhere to be found on the official ingredients list, Renee found this in her bowl:
She thought it was a piece of plastic or something--until she realized that it had wings. Now, in Amy's defense, bugs are, by definition, organic. And the five minutes in the microwave oven undoubtedly sterilized it. The additional protein would have been good for her too.
So, when you're in the mood for a truly organic, just-packed-fresh-in-the-rainforest kind of experience, go pick up an Amy's Bowl.
Monday, March 24, 2008
The sign that asks me to clean up after myself to help keep the place looking nice sticks in my craw a bit after paying $13 for a sandwich and a soda.
And the Cuban sandwich I had at Arlequin's was better, I have to say.
First the bad catering job at my office party, now this. Quo vadis, DeLessio?
I thought I'd christen a new series on this beautiful but windy Monday by talking about DeLessio's on Market St. I had lunch here today. Now, the sandwich (a Cuban) was yummy. I give them that. (It was not, however, as good as the one I had at Arlequin a few weeks ago). However, my sandwich, Diet Coke, and bag of chips was about $13.00.
And, to top it off, the place has a sign that asks its patrons to clean their tables off when their finished to help keep the place looking nice.
For the price I'm paying for this lunch, the owners could hire a Guatemalan woman to feed my sandwich to me and clean up when I'm finished. Throw in a nice back rub, and I'll give the place 4 stars on Yelp.
Get it together, DeLessio.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
In our next story, psychiatrists claim that some times a cigar is just a cigar.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Today, Borders announced that it is looking to sell itself. Tom and Louis Borders must be spinning in their proverbial graves.
From Publishers Weekly: The possibility that Borders may one day be for sale has been discussed in publishing circles for several years, but that chance became more likely with the early morning announcement from the bookstore chain that it had hired J.P. Morgan Securities and Merrill Lynch to help it explore strategic alternatives. Those options, Borders said, include the possible sale of the company and/or some of its divisions.
I worked for the Borders Group for ten years, and I'm sad to see this day. I wish all the employees the best and hope this brand, this institution, this bookstore I used to drive hours to visit finds a way to survive.
Click here for stock information on Borders Group
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sí se puede!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Now, who wants a job at this place? Go here then: Chronicle Books
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Well, I have a solution. Vote for Chekezie. The "Change Candidate" of American Idol, Chekezie needs your vote.
From the SF Gate:
Chemists who tested drinking water from 20 utilities nationwide said they did not detect any contaminants at all at San Francisco's tap, despite news reports to the contrary.
"We didn't detect anything whatsoever," said Shane Snyder, research manager at the Southern Nevada Water Authority who helped coordinate a study by the research arm of the nation's water utilities.
The American Waterworks Association Research Foundation tested 20 of the nation's water systems, including San Francisco's for 60 compounds found in medicines, household cleaners and cosmetics.
"You guys have the best water that we tested. Period," Snyder said of San Francisco's drinking water. "I don't think we've ever tested drinking water that didn't have any of our target compounds in it."
In a story about test results of the nation's drinking water quality, the Associated Press reported Sunday that much of the supply contains traces of pharmaceuticals, solvents and other contaminants.
Among its findings, the news agency said San Francisco's water contained a sex hormone. The sex hormone was supposedly estradiol, a hormone found in vertebrate animals - mammals, reptiles, birds and fish.
In fact, no such compounds turned up in San Francisco's water samples, Snyder said.
Hmm, I guess it's time to sell those shares in Brita that I've been holding. Now, I'm off to make myself a nice glass of uncontaminated, you guessed it, iced tea.
Monday, March 10, 2008
For more, check out Improve Everywhere.
1. Walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk, hallway, catwalk, etc. Stay to the right or burn in hell forever!
2. Turning right when the signal light is showing a red arrow. That means NO RIGHT TURNS, assface! Now, say hello to Beelzebub.
3. Sending me junk mail. Paper, email, banners flown from airplanes. I hate it all. Now you can address it all from Hades' zip code, MF.
4. Hogging the tennis court. If you're there to play, then play. Don't waste my time discussing how you're going to get a new job making even more money, you PacHeights piece of trash.
5. Procreation. I mean, come on! It's just gross and we have way too many people as it is.
Whew, what a rant. Okay, loving, kissing. Peace is every step. In with the good; out with the bad.
Have a great week (yes, it's just Monday. . . . )
Gov. Eliot Spitzer, the crusading politician who built his career on rooting out corruption, apologized Monday after allegations surfaced that he paid thousands of dollars for a high-end call girl. He did not elaborate on the scandal, which drew calls for his resignation.
At a hastily called news conference, Spitzer stood next to his stone-faced wife and bit his lips, telling reporters: "I have acted in a way that violates my obligations to my family."
"I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself," he said. "I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family."
As he walked out, reporters shouted: "Will you resign?" He did not answer.
The New York Democrat's involvement in the ring was caught on a federal wiretap as part of an investigation opened in recent months, according to a law enforcement official who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because of the ongoing inquiry.
Four people allegedly connected to the ring, identified in court papers as the Emperors Club VIP, were arrested last week. The ring arranged connections between wealthy men and more than 50 prostitutes in New York, Washington, Los Angeles, Miami, London and Paris, prosecutors said.
According to the law enforcement official, Spitzer is the person identified in legal papers as "Client 9," who paid to bring the prostitute named "Kristen" from New York to Washington for a four-hour tryst at a hotel on Feb. 13.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
However, I'm suspicious of this MTV "True Life" star. Again, I get the whole "I pop a pill to get an erection because I'm not sexually attracted to men" stance. But, when I watch him getting all huggy and touchy with his co-stars at a porn convention, it makes me question his hetero convictions.
Watch and let me know what you think.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Chronicle Books is excited to support Girls Rock!, a heartwarming and hilarious new documentary premiering in select cities nationwide on Friday, March 7th.
The ground-breaking Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls invites girls from all over the country to learn how to rock DIY-style: forming bands, writing songs, and playing a gig all in one week. These girls are empowered with self-discovery, achieving things they never thought possible, and Girls Rock! is the movie about their inspiring journey.
"Simultaneously revolutionary, heartbreaking and laugh-out-loud funny. Absolutely not to be missed."
GIRLS ROCK! THE MOVIE
"The first time I saw the students at the Rock 'n' Roll Camp for Girls kicking out the jams on their guitars and drums," says Girls Rock! co-director Arne Johnson, "I giggled happily... and then was inexplicably moved to tears." It was this emotional reaction that launched him and co-director Shane King to follow four students through the Camp experience and discover what many books and studies have already described—girls are struggling with a bewildering and heartbreaking array of challenges to their self-image. Through video diaries and camp week footage, girls from all walks of life share their dreams, thoughts about being a girl in this society, and excitement about rock 'n' roll. Witnessing their growth and change in their perception of themselves and each other, film-goers will transform right along with the girls. Bring your daughters!
Learn more about Girls Rock! The Movie
Join the opening weekend festivities in:
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