Saturday, August 30, 2008

Bacon for Beth

This post is wholly and completely for Beth--who LOVES bacon. And, really, who doesn't? (Shout out to my Jewish friends!)


Man Killed by Police Horse in San Francisco

A 78-year-old Roseville man died early this morning after being knocked down at Candlestick Park by a runaway San Francisco police horse Friday evening, police said.

Eugene Caldwell was knocked down by the runaway horse just before 6 p.m. in the charter bus parking lot, according to police. He hit his head, suffering critical injuries, and died about 1 a.m. at San Francisco General Hospital.

The officer riding the horse was thrown after a plastic bag blew up and got caught in the animal's bridle. The horse then bolted across the parking lot, knocking down another person. The officer and other person knocked down were treated at the scene for minor injuries, said police Sgt. Neville Gittens.

The best reader's comment on the story on had to be, "I thought they banned plastic bags in San Francisco?"

Oh, we're all so witty and ironic in SF.

West Side Story at the Castro Theater

I went with Rand and Blake tonight to see "West Side Story." It was a lot of fun. I love how the audience clapped after great songs and dance scenes.

My favorite line from the entire movie had to be from Maria: "When you come, use the back door."

Good advice for any Catholic girl.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

SPAM of the Day: The Psychological Gastric Band

I love my SPAM filter. Because of it, I get to see these great SPAM titles. Here's my favorite email today:

Burn fat quickly, easily and safely with The Psychological Gastric Band

No diets. No special exercises. No quack pills.
Real science equals real results!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Life Advice from Deborah

I'm sure you've seen it, but have you lived it? Have you? Have you!!

Go Hillary!

Are you watching her right now? She's amazing and I still want to
vote for her. Hillary in 2008!

Applaus-o-meter on CNN

OMG. CNN has an applaus-o-meter on the screen during the Democratic National Convention coverage.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Congrats to Matthew Mitcham

It's nice to see an athlete be so humble and happy about a truly amazing and unexpected achievement. Mitcham, in case you missed it, won the gold medal in the men's 10M platform diving competition at the Beijing Olympics. He surpassed everyone's expectations, except perhaps his own. And he just happens to be gay.

Fuck the Pain Away (for Clark)

Miss Piggy has never been more articulate:

Songs in the Key of Craigslist

Have you seen these videos on They have taken posts from Craigslist and put them to music. We are surrounded by art, my friends.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Joe Biden is Obama's Running Mate!

Joe Biden--VP?

I'm really surprised and happy. I think Biden rocks. Vice-President Biden has a nice ring. Eat it, Senator McCain.

Jake Tapper of ABC News

Paris Hilton and SPAM: A Lethal Combination

Is anyone else being bombarded by Paris Hilton-themed SPAM? My filter today captured emails with the following subject lines:

Cristiano Ronaldo Disses Paris Hilton Um Louro Mudo Feio!
Paris Hilton Returned By Aliens
Paris Hilton screwed by Boy Scouts
Paris Hilton selling her 'used' underwear on eBay!
Paris Hilton charges for Pussy

And, by far my favorite:

Paris Hilton Is Escapee From Witch Mountain

UPDATE: The bounty continues to grow. Today (Saturday), I received even more great PH Spam.

TV presenter sets fire to Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton's Prison Sweat to be Sold on e-Bay

John McCain: A Study in Awkwardness

'Nuff said.

SPAM headline of the week

Hilton slams Pamela Anderson as Rabid Scavenging Hyena


Thursday, August 21, 2008


I've never watched A&E's show "Intervention" before, but I managed to see this clip today from the episode about Allison, the inhalant addict.

OMG. I'm hooked. I came home and set a series recording on my DVR. Thank Buddha for Tivo.

One thing, though: is it bad that I laugh at Allison? She cracks me up.

Where Flyers Go To Die


The lightpoles of San Francisco are fair game for lost kittens, missing laptops, services for hire, and political action groups. I see posters and flyers stapled to these dead trees (that's what they are, folks) all the time. Even more interesting, though, are the poles that have been basically stripped of all advertising. The rusting staples form a patina of forgotten causes, furniture, and people.

I happened across this lone phone number today, dangling desperately from its thumbtack. Who is at the other end of that number? What were they selling? I'm so intrigued and have to fight the urge to call.

No Parking (Except for Firemen Chaplains)

Chaplain: Official Business

Is this a real job? Fireman Chaplain? And if not, where can I get one of these placards?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Yams & Gams, Or 19.30 Seconds in Beijing

His father credits the yams of Jamaica. Bob Costas thinks his long legs may have something to do with it. Either way Usain Bolt is the fastest man on the planet.

My Favorite Office Plant

Don't tell the others, though. I can't stand it when they act all jealous and stuff.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The only way to get around Arizona is by plane, so I bought one!

This and many other revelations about John McCain, his wife, and his vision for America.

No Privacy At the Border: New Law Permits Additional Searches of Laptops and Documents

Next time you travel outside the United States, don't be surprised when U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents give your laptop a closer look than ever before. According to a policy announced on July 16, 2008, Customs agents have authority to conduct searches at the border of information contained in documents and electronic devices such as laptops and flash drives, even without any suspicion of wrongdoing or unlawful activity. There is no distinction between foreigners and Americans. The new policy allows Customs to search, copy, retain, and share information from computers, disks, hard drives, electronic or digital storage devices, as well as documents, books, pamphlets, and other printed materials. Officers may detain documents and electronic devices for as long as they deem necessary and reasonable to perform a thorough search, either on or off site. Customs may share the documents or electronic devices with other federal agencies or entities for translation, decryption, or subject matter assistance, without notice. Customs' new policy is consistent with recent court decisions that already permitted government officers to conduct "routine" searches at the border—searches that do not "seriously" invade an individual's privacy—without a warrant or probable cause. And don't be surprised that "routine" and "seriously" do not mean what you might expect. Courts have considered most any search "routine" simply because it took place at a border, and a thorough examination of all forms of property is not considered an invasion of privacy, which is limited to some forms of bodily examination. The "border," moreover, extends to the "functional equivalent" of the border, such as at the Customs and Immigration entries of a U.S. airport where an international flight lands. In July, the Ninth Circuit rejected a defendant's argument that a laptop was like the "human mind" in its ability to record ideas, e-mail, internet chats, and web-surfing habits and that, consequently, a laptop search constituted an invasion of privacy. To the contrary, the Ninth Circuit treated the laptop as nothing more than another piece of property, a holding consistent with a Fourth Circuit case in which the court rejected the defendant's argument that a laptop search required a higher level of suspicion because it contained expressive material.

Despite these cases and Customs' new policy, there are some limits on the government's broad powers at the border and you should know your rights. Customs may detain documents and/or devices for an unspecified "reasonable" amount of time, but permanent seizure requires probable cause of unlawful activity. When probable cause does not exist, Customs must return originals and destroy any copies made of the information, but the new policy is silent on how long Customs in fact may take before returning anything. According to Customs' policy, all actions surrounding the retention of originals or copies will be documented by officers and certified by a supervisor. Any copies shared with other agencies will either be returned to Customs or the agency must certify to Customs that it has destroyed copies of the information. However, there are few limitations when the documents in question pertain to immigration. Customs may retain the originals or copies of such documents, regardless of warrant or suspicion. Federal agencies assisting Customs may retain copies of immigration or non-immigration information only when the agency has an independent legal right to do so. When you are at the border, you will not know and will not be able to learn whether some other agency, the Internal Revenue Service, for example, has an independent legal right to your information.Courts have held open the possibility that a laptop search may be deemed unreasonable when it is carried out in a particularly offensive manner or results in exceptional damage to the traveler's property. Customs officials also do not have unlimited abilities to search an international traveler's laptop without suspicion of wrongdoing after the traveler already has crossed the border, beyond the first point at which the traveler might have been stopped within the country.

International business travelers should be aware of the possibility that business confidential information and even documents subject to attorney-client privilege could be subject to border searches. Customs' policy requires that officers "take all reasonable measures" to protect business confidential information from unauthorized disclosure, and states that laws such as the Trade Secrets and Privacy Acts may govern or restrict the handling of information. However, the policy does not provide specific guidelines on how officers should treat such information. Attorney-client privileged material also may be searched, but the officer must suspect that the documents' contents contain evidence of a crime and the officer must receive approval to search the privileged information from the Associate/Assistant Chief Counsel or the appropriate U.S. Attorney's office. International business travelers should be prepared for searches and should take necessary precautionary measures. As a practical matter, the risk that Customs agents may conduct an extensive "routine" search of laptops or documents may be very low—there is not enough time to search every traveler, and agents typically are focused on higher-risk security threats. Nevertheless, travelers concerned that business-confidential or privileged information could be examined by border officials may want to take precautionary steps to protect such information, including the following:
  • Establish secure, web-based document repositories that you or your business colleagues can use to access documents remotely.
  • Send electronic copies of documents prior to meetings, rather than carry them across the border in electronic or digital storage devices.
  • When information must be carried across the border, rather than storing it on the "desktop" of your computer, store it separately in portable storage devices such as memory sticks or flash drives that are labeled, where appropriate, "business confidential" or "attorney-client privileged." Customs is authorized to view these documents, but identifying sensitive information may help to alert border officials to any special handling procedures that might be required, reducing the risk of inadvertent exposure of confidential information. Whereas Customs may "routinely" search business confidential information, the examination of "attorney-client" information requires reasonable suspicion and the advice of an Assistant Chief Counsel, thus giving it an extra layer of protection against arbitrary border inspection.
  • Consider turning off e-mail caching when traveling to other countries. Some programs such as Microsoft Outlook store or "cache" copies of e-mail messages on the laptop so that the e-mail messages are available for review while not connected to a computer network. Note that with caching turned off, you will not be able to read your e-mail without first connecting to the computer network.
  • Clear or delete web browser cache and delete "cookies" and passwords that may be stored on your laptop.

Alternatives to carrying information on a laptop are not always a good or sufficient solution to the problems indicated above. Don't assume that sending documents across the border by U.S. mail or private carrier can alleviate confidentiality concerns. Customs officers may not read the contents of sealed letter class mail sent across the border without a warrant, but they are permitted to open it. Customs may both search and read, without a warrant, documents sent abroad through private carriers such as FedEx, UPS, or DHL. Customs officials in other countries may or may not have similar standards for border inspections.

Bon voyage!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Let's Play "What's in the Fridge?"

OMG. I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I guess I can always wash it down with a nice cool glass of breast milk!

Bake Sales for the Starving

Is it strange that people where I work are taking the time to bake cookies, muffins, brownies, etc. so that they can sell them and then give the money to a non-profit that helps feed people? I feel like we need to trim the middle-man fat here and just give the money straight to the non-profit, right?

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Birthday cupcakes for Renee

Casts and Cocktails

I'm having dinner with Beth, Egan, Renee, Yasu and Rand tonight.

Beth is still recuperating from her foot surgery but that can't stop her from enjoying a delicious sazerac.

New Airport Extreme

I've gone wireless, baby!

Chevy Traverse commercial rips off "Porn for Women"

During the Olympics last night, just before the Men's 4 x 100 Medley, Chevrolet ran a commercial for the 2009 Traverse. The commercial, I must say, is a complete rip-off of Chronicle Books' "Porn for Women" series. Check out the books for yourself and compare it to the commercial (which I'll post as soon as I can find it).

Basically, the ad shows a very hot looking guy (sans shirt) ironing a dress while making reservations for his 6-month anniversary with his wife or girlfriend. Then it flashes to the SUV and the voiceover tells how the vehicle is full of features that will be greatly appreciated. Cut back to the guy again who is doing more housework: cleaning the toilet and still shirtless.

Great work, ad execs. Steal your best ideas from independent publishers. Madison Avenue is moribund.

Porn for Women at Chronicle Books


And here's a bad recording of the commercial. When I find a better one, I'll post it.



Here, finally, is a full version of the commercial.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Ivy League Philosophy

Have you heard about Stephanie Xu, an incoming Princeton freshman? She wrote a manifesto for the incoming class of 2012 and posted it on Facebook. The Gawker/Ivy Gate investigation began and the hilarity ensued.

Here are some of her thoughts:

You have mercilessly beaten out your friends, your girlfriends, your boyfriends, your brothers, your sisters and every one you have loved...

Try everything once: Pilates, squash, open mic night, tantric sex. What do you have to lose? When you risk everything, you have anything to gain...

Laws are nothing but restrictions: break every one you possibly can...

Pain is weakness leaving the body. That ache in your muscles? The ripped papers? The taste of blood on your lips? The broken condom? The fatigue in your bones? Those are the victories. Life is a beautiful game and you sure as hell are winning...

Boys and Girls, there are no rules to this game. Someone crosses you? It’s BURN BITCH BURN...

This is the death of dynasty. The authorities may make the rules, they may think they have control, but we cannot forget we are Princeton. We are her blood and her bile. And we are the generation they have never seen before.

We are the anti-Christs to save the world from the mercy of God, the self-pity that festers within the masses. Religion is the opiate of the masses, so drug them until they are nothing but slaves at your will. You have deserved this. You are Hitler the fourth, Alexander the Great the Second, Napoleon the Fifth, here to destroy the world we know.

Personally, I think she's spot on. She has my vote for Obama's VP.

Obama/Xu 2008: Burn Bitch Burn!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Coco the Colossal Colon

Have you ever been to a state fair? Ever been to Indiana? Now imagine adding the two together. The equation apparently adds up to Coco the Colossal Colon.

Be afraid.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dinner at Chow!

Will they be serving the "Heather Locklear"?


Seriously, this is a major cause for celebration. Making Looking Like a Hipster Easier Than Ever

As if you needed another reason to go shopping, there's now this new website (based in London currently) that shows street-styles with links to retailers sites. Spending your stimulus check has never been easier!
clipped from

Look through our galleries of fashionable members of the public and if you like an item of clothing, click on it to buy it or something very similar. If you have requests, suggestions or just some commentary on our pictures please get involved in our new FORUM. All our images are of genuine people on the street, we don't use models. Our GALLERIES are updated weekly so check back regularly. 

For more style tips and ideas visit the STYLE ITEM OF THE WEEK or our BLOG

Here's our latest favs from the Street Galleries. Click on any image to be taken to a load more fresh street styles.

 blog it

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Goddamn Glory Of It All!

My friend Beth (who loves bacon) just started a new blog called "The Goddamn Glory Of It All." She's stuck at home recuperating from foot surgery, so give her some love and visit her blog.


Mary Carillo is talking about Panda Porn

I'm sitting here watching the Olympics and enjoying the "human" interest story by Mary Carillo about pandas in China. Little did I expect her to reveal China's great secret to panda babymaking: Panda Porn!

They have videos of boy pandas meeting girl pandas, and they make the pandas watch it. It's like Cinemax for pandas.

I wonder if it will be available via On Demand soon.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Missing Your Grandma?

Watch this. If it doesn't quench that multi-generational emptiness you're feeling, nothing will.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Now I'm Afraid of Facebook

How does one go about deleting all relevant information about themselves from all databases in the world? I guess I know what I'm doing this weekend.


Thursday, August 7, 2008

Bowlegged & Starving

Okay, as you may know, I'm a fan of Jay Brannan. Here's a little video I noticed tonight that I hadn't seen before. He sings "Bowlegged & Starving," and it's cute, funny, and catchy.

And here is a clip of his performance in San Francisco that I missed while I was on my Northwest Tour. Alas. Come back soon, Jay.


I can't believe it. After lunch, the jury had to wait outside the courtroom (aka Department 19 as it will forever be burned in my memory). Finally, after over half an hour, we were allowed into the courtroom. We sat down and the judge proceeded to tell us that, for reasons he didn't want to go into, he was declaring a mistrial. As such, he thanked us for our service and excused us.

All the waiting, all the questions, the entire process was, at least for the 14 members of the jury, a waste of time.

After we exited, the attorneys for all parties came out and explained the mistrial was declared for some sort of conflict/procedural reason, not an evidentiary one. Then, the Assistant District Attorney asked us what seemed to work, what needed to be better explained, etc. The Public Defender asked similar questions. I had to say that I thought the testimony of the one victim we heard lacked the narrative cohesion and grasp of the details that I would prefer. It made me doubt his ability to remember things clearly and, thus, his ability to identify his attackers.

At least I can now tell you what the trial was about. On May 9th at approx. 11:20 pm at the corner of 16th and Market in San Francisco, Anton Fuchs (age 73) and his wife (age 25--ahem) were driving home. They stopped behind a few cars at the light. Then, they claimed to hear a screeching sound then pounding on the back of their car. Looking behind them, they saw a body or bodies and limbs flailing in their rear window. They thought there might have been a pedestrian accident.

One or both of them got out of their car to investigate, saw nothing, and Mr. Fuchs went back to the car behind him. He asked the driver what was going on. He claims that the people in the car began cursing at him, referring to "you fucking faggots" and "fucking queers." Mr. Fuchs said he began to realize this may be some sort of prank so he went back to his car to get his cellphone. He then heard his wife cursing at the car's occupants and then yelling for help. He went to help her as she was being pulled by someone from the passenger side of the car. When he got over there, he was also grabbed and pulled against the door of the car, with the left side of his face hitting the door frame. He was eventually pulled inside and punched a few times.

At some point, while both Mr. and Mrs. Fuchs were still being held, at least one person yelled at the driver to take off. The driver took off, dragging the Fuchs for an undetermined distance (this was a point of contention during cross-examination but was somewhere around 10-35 feet at 15-20 MPH). A passing MUNI inspector noticed what was happening and cut the car off with his truck.

The Fuchs were released and three of the four passengers got out of the car. The driver was trapped and Mr. Fuchs somehow managed to grab the keys. The police arrived almost immediately, did a search and found two suspects. One was identified by Mr. Fuchs, the other was not positively identified.

And on and on it went. Mr. Fuchs wrote a statement that night/morning. Then he spoke to a police inspector a few times over the next several days. Each time, the story changed a little (if not a lot) with details changing and being added. He also said his positivity of identification ranged from 60% to 100%. Add to that, he seemed irritated to be cross-examined by the defense.

Personally, I didn't find him to be a completely reliable witness. I'm sure something happened. I just don't think we heard all the details correctly from Mr. Fuchs. And, since he was the only witness we got to hear, I'm stuck. I have no idea how the trial would have gone and if the DA would have been able to prove her case beyond a reasonable doubt.

As it stands, I have my doubts. Thus ends my jury duty saga.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Call Me Juror #3


Well, it's nearly official. I was seated on the jury in spot #3. Unless I make some awful racist comment or fake Tourette's, I'm probably doomed to serve on this trial.

I hope there's an exciting "reveal" as the trial draws to a close--some Raymond Burr-esque dramatic flourish with the D.A. pointing a finger and shouting, "It was Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick!!"

I can't wait.

Jury Selection

The process of selecting a jury seems positively glacial. I know the military has the unofficial motto of "hurry up and wait," but I think the court system could give them a run for their money. I've spent 1 1/2 days at the hall of justice (along with 50 or so of my fellow citizens) and so far not one person has been excused or selected for the jury. Not a good use of my time. I have to go back in 10 minutes. Wish me luck that something exciting happens.

Just Married

Now where's the nearest car wash?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Chad and Adam tie the knot

I went to my first official gay wedding today. By the power invested
in the gay reverend, Adam and Chad were pronounced husband and husband

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Happy birthday, Julia!

Rand and I went to a cute birthday gathering in Golden Gate park
today. I ate two slices of cake and a cupcake. Now I weigh 200 and fat.

Boy Bar at the Cafe

After dinner last night, the boys and I went to Boy Bar. This guy was by far the cutest dancer I've ever seen there. Now where's my wad of dollar bills?!