Sunday, February 28, 2010

As Jesus said about gay people. . .

As Jesus said about gay people

Yep, nothing.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Giantess threatens San Francisco

Seen in Patricia Green in Hayes Valley.

I like public sculpture/art. I wish we had more of it in the U.S. and SF (I distinguish between the two because I'm not sure we are in the U.S. anymore). Oh, and graffiti is not art, so don't try to use that argument.

So, if you're in Hayes Valley, check out this Burning Man-born sculpture. I like how her "hair" moves in the breeze.

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Babies can bounce

People are no doubt up-in-arms about this video of an Australian woman tossing her baby on the ground at a bus station. What they don't understand is that babies both crave and need this B2G (Baby To Ground) contact. Studies and historical research have shown that the term "bouncing baby" was used as far back as ancient Mesopotamia and the lack of actual bouncing in modern child rearing has caused ailments as diverse as allergies, attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity, and autism. Do it for Jenny McCarthy, moms. Toss your babies on the ground!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Gavin Newsom on The Rachel Maddow Show tonight

Admittedly, I'm not Gavin's biggest fan and SF is not in the best shape right now, but the introduction to San Francisco that Rachel gave tonight made me proud. Long live San Francisco values!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Johnny Weir addresses sportcasters' homophobic remarks

This is old (by modern standards), but I want to share it anyway. Johnny, you rock.

S.F. Iguana Man Gets to Keep His 'Service Lizards'


Silfa, first profiled in a cover story on service creatures in June of last year, ran into a rough spot with the mangers of his SRO hotel. While he has a psychiatrist's note "prescribing" Skippy the iguana as "an essential component of our treatment plan," last year Silfa was made to jump through a number of administrative hoops that endangered his ability to keep a large reptile in his small apartment.

I don't want to sound heartless, but "service lizards"?!! Give me a break. I remember people bringing odd animals into the various bookstores I've worked in--bookstores with cafes (you know, with food and health department inspectors?). Inevitably, they all claim their pet is a service animal. Really? That bird you're hiding under your jacket is a SERVICE animal?! I'm skeptical.

Dude, you like lizards. I get it. But don't try to claim they're anything more than a pet and hobby. Unless they whisper sweet therapy nothings to you and/or have degrees from UCSF in clinical psychology, they're not part of your treatment.

And to the "doctor" who gave Silfa the note that "prescribed" Skippy the iguana. You are an embarassment to your field and this is why many people think psychiatry is basically voodoo with a diploma.

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Here comes the sun

This is a really cool ad for Tropicana. And I don't want to imagine 31 days with no sunlight.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

If you look closely, you can spot the jumper

Just kidding. Even though there are no jumpers in this shot (alas), I had to share this photo for two reasons:

1. I think it's amazing and the bridge never fails to delight. Can you believe this bridge? The cars, the people, they're so small. And the bridge is SOOO big. People made this thing!! I

2. CALIBER consistently showcases some of the best photographic talent in the Bay Area. Kudos to all the photographers and keep up the great work!!

So, I hope you enjoyed this homage to the Golden Gate and don't get any crazy ideas in your head. I only like it when strangers jump off the bridge, okay?

Heartlessly yours,
Todd X.

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Monday, February 22, 2010

I am Madam Satan

Don't cross me.

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Risotto: It's what's for dinner

It's a good thing.

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You must follow this blog: nomadic tendencies

Angie and I used to work together a million and a half years ago. She left the U.S. to explore the far-flung reaches of the world, while I moved to SF. Each day, we both get to see amazing things. I, for instance, remember seeing someone shooting up in an alley shortly after I moved back to SF and using a tissue to mop up the blood. Now that's not something you'll see in the Lonely Planet guide. Unlike Ange, though, I have neither the camera nor the skill to fully capture the beauty (and horror) around me. Her "Photo a Day" series never fails to amuse, delight, and enlighten me. Check it out.

And this steamy cup of whatnot must have some caffeine in it. So, it just belongs here.

I miss you, Angie! I hope you're having an amazing adventure.

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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Jesus likes to relax with his Camel Lights and a PBR -- in India

According to the BBC:

The government in the Indian state of Meghalaya has confiscated textbooks showing pictures of Jesus Christ holding a cigarette and a can of beer.

The book has been used for primary classes and has caused a furore in the north-eastern state, where more than 70% of the population are Christians.

State Education Minister Ampareen Lyngdoh said legal action against the publishers was being contemplated.

The company, based in Delhi, has so far not responded to the complaints.

Publishing is a risky business, folks. You never know who will be offended and who will simply laugh it off. I'm sure my upcoming calendar "Hot Guards of Auschwitz" will raise a few eyebrows, but I'm giving all the proceeds to charity. The Westboro Baptist Church can really use the cash.

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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Grape-Nuts Steadies a Man

This ad really unnerves me. Why is the box of Grape-Nuts wearing gladiator sandals?!! And why are the man's head and feet so small?

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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I find racism acceptable when perpetrated by socio-economic stereotypes

Take one upper-middle class marina girl, add a dash of subtle anti-Asian stereotypical humor, a splash of historically acceptable racism against Irish immigrants, and blend with two parts of low self-esteem. If you're lucky, you'll get this shirt and not just a nasty hangover.

Thanks to @nuzzles for pointing out UrbanOutfitters' latest batch of good taste.

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Organic Robbery: The price of health and taste at Safeway in SF

Yesterday, I unwittingly paid $3.16 for TWO apples. I wanted a Honeycrisp apple and they were only available in the organic section. I noticed the per pound price, selected two small apples, and didn't give it a second thought.

Until I got home.

Imagine the scene: Todd unloads the groceries, pulls out the receipt, and stares unbelievingly at the charge for these two small (apparently heavier than he thought) apples. Luckily, the neighbors ignored my subsequent cursing.

No more. Organic proponents, keep your arguments to yourselves. I don't and won't buy it. Give me factory farms and 75 cent apples. And Safeway, the apples were sour for a Honeycrisp. You should be ashamed.

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No More Nails! The Glucifixion

This will offend someone. I'm sorry in advance. But, as Kurosawa said, "To be an artist means never to avert one's eyes." Besides, I think it's actually an attempt to revise christian history and make it seem less barbaric and more humane than it actually was. Consider this to be the Disneyfication of The Holy Bible's central story. Thanks, Walt.



h/t to the blog "Jesus Needs New PR"

Chrome and Iced Tea

Maybe your messenger will deliver some to you if you ask nicely.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Don't mess with the ocean

Today's Mavericks Surfing competition was disrupted by larger than normal surf.  I am ceaselessly amazed by the power of the ocean and the insignificance of people compared to its vastness.

No love from Urban Dictionary, or How I was rejected for defining "nodar"
















I got this message about my recent submission to Urban Dictionary:

Thanks for your definition of nodar!

Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it.

To get a better idea of what editors publish and reject, sign up as an Urban Dictionary Editor here: http://editor.urbandictionary.com/

Urban Dictionary

-----

nodar

n. 1. a serious malfunction, accident, or mistake made during a sporting event

2. a serious mistake or accident, not necessarily sports-related

Yikes, did you see Tom wipe out at Mavericks today? He totally pulled a nodar.
 Alas, no one gets my sense of humor or my capacious vocabulary.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Indian Food for the Olympic Opening Ceremony

Watching the Olympics requires lots of energy and stamina. It's basically like competing in the Olympics themselves. I decided to carbo-load by gorging on rice and naan so I could make it through the parade of nations without dozing off (too many flags and garish uniforms...).

I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to some curling, moguls, and men's ice skating. I want Johnny Weir to win a medal! Wish him luck and sequins. Bon chance, Johnny!!

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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happy birthday, Taylor

Happy 18th birthday!  And welcome to legality, um, I mean adulthood.

taylor-lautner

In case you were wondering, I baked a cake.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Vodka is love. 200 liters of love is a religion.

After drinking the 14,000 martinis that this bottle of Chopin has waiting patiently inside for me, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to either see a god or become a god.  As soon as I can blow a 3.0 on my handy pocket breathalyzer, I'll let you all know and we will start the services. 

In case you were wondering, Chopin Vodka debuted the largest bottle of vodka ever produced, standing seven feet tall and coming in at 200 liters (I'm getting weak in the knees...). It was unveiled at this past weekend’s Santa Barbara International Film Festival and is an exact replica of Chopin Vodka’s signature bottle featuring the artistic rendering of Frederic Chopin. It was signed by celebrities, including Sandra Bullock, Forest Whitaker, Emily Blunt, Kirk Douglas, James Cameron and more, and will be auctioned off for the Grammy Foundation later this year.  

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Ceci n'est pas une apple fritter

Despite the rumors and second-hand gossip, I am NOT eating an apple fritter. It may look like a pastry, but it's actually a high fiber, high protein vitamin cake. Now carry on. Nothing to see here.

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

iPad Fashion

Steve Jobs and his Apple gurus are tastemakers in the world of computers and gadgetry. Now, they're impacting haute couture. Big Ass Pockets are soon to be all the rage.

Go now and buy some denim. Rip off those pansy pockets currently covering your butt and sew on a big ass pocket. There now. Don't you feel better. You're part of the elite now: the iElite.

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Found at work: Blue Moon

First, ditch the cow juice. Gross. Now, where are the oranges?

I love my job.

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Monday, February 8, 2010

Yes, Virginia, the NFL is Gay

Gay Superbowl

Many thanks to my friend Kevin for sharing this photo from this year's Superbowl.  It confirms all my suspicions about the NFL: it's one part fraternity, two parts Finnish sauna, one part Fire Island Tea Dance, three parts low-fat Harvey Milk, and a dash of Spandex and jock straps. 

Get a room, guys.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Say Cheese! Midnight Moon Gouda and Amadeus Schardinger

No trip to Whole Foods is complete unless you stop by the cheese counter and indulge your lactose dreams. Today, I decided to try these two cheeses: Midnight Moon aged Gouda and the Austrian Amadeus Schardinger.

Amadeus was described as a buttery semi-firm cow's milk cheese. The problem is that it doesn't have much taste. If you want a really mild cheese for guests, this could work.

The Midnight Moon, however, had plenty of flavor. A firm aged goat's milk cheese, this Gouda was the better of the two. It was nutty with a hint of sweet on the finish. At $25.99/lb, though, I wouldn't make mac & cheese with it or buy too much at once.

Happy snacking!

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The Big Island of Hawai'i as seen from the International Space Station

If you're not following @Astro_Soichi on Twitter, you should be. He posts these amazing photos of the earth from about 200 miles up. Amazing.

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I like this cafe -- Epicenter

Epicenter Cafe is a nice multipurpose cafe near the SoMa Whole Foods. I say "multipurpose" because they serve food, wine and beer. Actually, their beer list is oddly extensive for a cafe. I, of course, was more interested in their caffeinated offerings (it's not 4pm yet, that's why), so I tried the coffee and iced tea. The French press was "okay." Ok, it wasn't great nor was it hot enough. And I expect a French press to be pressed by or in front of me. I'm paying for the show, damn it! This one was just handed to me in a mug. Hmmm. Was it really French? Je ne sais pas. As for the iced tea, I only have one complaint: for $2.75, I expect a bigger glass or an offer of a free refill. At least it wasn't flavored tea.

I think you should give Epicenter a try if you're in the neighborhood. I'll be in the corner, on my iPhone, sampling each and every beer. Please try to overlook my slurred speech.

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I'm sorry, Twi-what? I got distracted.



Kellan Lutz is from Twilight, huh?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

They're making a movie out of "Stretch Armstong"

Yes, that Stretch Armstrong. The toy. The weird rubber and plastic toy with the stretchy arms and legs. Into a movie. With Taylor Lautner of "Twilight" fame.

Dear Hollywood, can I suggest reading a book once in a while?

Dear Taylor, you're almost 18. It's time to make better decisions.

stretch-armstrong

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Friday, February 5, 2010

Yelp hates my review of El Mansour



I got this email today from Rachele at Yelp HQ:

Hi Todd,

We're writing to let you know about our decision to remove your review of El Mansour. Your review was flagged by the Yelp community, and our Support team has determined that it falls outside our Review Guidelines (http://www.yelp.com/faq#great_review) because it contains inappropriate content. Your friends probably know when you're being funny, but the millions of people who read reviews on Yelp may not.


Regards,
Rachele
Yelp User Support
San Francisco, California

Yelp Official Blog | http://officialblog.yelp.com
Yelp Frequently Asked Questions | http://www.yelp.com/faq



Removed Review:

Okay, let's face it. We all want these places to be fun and kitschy and over the top. But, when you're paying $60+ for your meal and some wine, you expect something decent in the food department.

Nothing was terrible--in fact, the lamb kabob part of my dinner was tasty (all three pieces of it)--but if you're not going to serve pita then give us utensils. The Safeway bread chunks don't cut it. Eating couscous with my fingers reinforced my faith in Western Civilization. The appetizers and salad were sub-par. I liked the lentil soup, but my entree (lamb and bruchette kabob) was really difficult to eat as served.

I liked the entertainment (aka belly dancer), but the 30 minute wait for our 8pm reservation was a bit much.

Bottom line: I'd strap a bomb to my chest and shout "Allahu Akbar!" before I went back here. But, if you're looking for overpriced kitsch and mediocre food in San Francisco, then El Man Sour might be the place for you.

I guess they didn't like the "suicide bomber chic" style of my final paragraph. Alas. I'm still never going back.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Deep-Fried Mac and Cheese or "How I Want To Die"

If I could have one wish just before I kicked the bucket, it would be to have a glass of iced tea and these delicious bites of cheesy deliciousness. Thank you, St. Paula, for sharing your fatty wisdom with us.

Step One: The Lady's Cheesy Mac

* 2 cups cooked elbow macaroni
* 2 cups grated Cheddar
* 3 eggs, beaten
* 1/2 cup sour cream
* 4 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot, add the Cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 30 to 45 minutes. Top with additional cheese, if desired.

Refrigerate overnight.

Step Two: Deep-Fried Mac and Cheese

* Peanut oil, for frying
* 1 recipe "The Lady's Cheesy Mac" prepared, chilled overnight, and cut into 15 bite-sized squares
* Flour, for dredging
* 1 egg, beaten
* Plain bread crumbs, for dredging

Heat 2 inches of oil in a large, heavy Dutch oven to 350 degrees F.

Dredge each Cheesy Mac square in flour, then egg, and then bread crumbs to coat. Fry for about 1 minute on each side until golden brown. Drain on paper towels before serving.

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I have seen your soul

And it is not pretty.

Okay, this photo freaked me out a bit. Admittedly, I had had a few beers prior to viewing it, but let's be honest: it's disturbing. Why is this goat staring at me? Is this the reverse of "Men who stare at goats"? Am I doomed to fall over dead because this goat is staring at me? Is this really a goat? I think so, but I haven't been around one in a long time. Maybe it's a weird sheep or some hybrid creature we city-folk don't understand.

Regardless, I won't be sleeping tonight, thanks to this mammal-thing.

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Banned in Texas prisons: Books lead to dangerous minds

I'll admit it: I've never been in prison. Despite the "Fortune and Men's Eyes" fantasies, I've managed to steer clear of the long arm of the law. While reading "Shelf Awareness" this morning, I had my aversion to the penal system confirmed--at least in Texas.

Novels by National Book Award winners Pete Dexter, Joyce Carol Oates, Annie Proulx and William T. Vollmann have been banned in recent years. Award finalists Katherine Dunn and Barry Hannah are on the Texas no-read list, too, as are Pulitzer Prize winners Alice Walker, Robert Penn Warren and John Updike.

Prisoners can't peruse certain books by Pablo Neruda and Andre Gide, both Nobel laureates. "Krik? Krak!" by Haitian writer Edwidge Danticat, who last year won a MacArthur "genius" grant, is prohibited behind Lone Star bars. Books of paintings by some of the world's greatest artists — da Vinci, Picasso, Botticelli, Michelangelo — have been ordered out of state correctional facilities.

Now, I haven't read all these authors (sorry, Barry and Pete), but I'm finding it hard to find a common thread. I can only imagine that the censors gleaned some sense of danger and/or sexuality from the works of these writers. Now that I think about it, Dunn's "Geek Love" and Proulx's "Brokeback Mountain" could easily start a riot. And just thinking about looking at Botticelli's nudes sends me into a frenzy.

Good work, Texas. You have saved us all from these dangerous people AND literacy. Kudos.

Botticelli_Venus

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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Kona Shore: Birthday in Paradise

Here's a little movie of some of the footage I took in Hawai'i. I think it captures some of the spirit of the vacation. We had an amazing time, and I'm lucky to have shared it with four great friends. Now, what should I plan for 41?

The Michael Bublé Diet: Sex, Cannabis and Cake

According to dlisted, Tiffany Bromley, ex-model turned wigmaker, told the News of the World that Michael Bublé only cares about three things: sex, cannabis and cake.

I like cake.

(P.S. If you're not reading dlisted, be ashamed.)

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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ay, ay, ay. I am your butterfly: Die Antwoord

I'm so sorry to pass this on. It haunts and disgusts and intrigues me. And it's only fair that I share it. South African rap wasn't a concept I had considered--much like square circles, prompt MUNI service, or optimism. Nevertheless, here it is.

McCain vs. McCain on repealing ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’

Why is John McCain still relevant in these political debates? We saw how he ran his campaign for the highest office in the country and who he chose as his running mate.

Senator McCain, you are both a joke and a hypocrite. I would pity you, but you're dangerous and unworthy of my sympathy. When you and your kind pass from this world, progress may once again be possible.

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