Do you object to open relationships?

Today's story on open relationships in the gay community has caused some interesting reactions among SF Gate readers and more than one of my friends.

A friend of a friend had this reaction:

Lame!How can you call yourself a "couple" when you're fucking someone else? "Open relationship" is just a phrase they use to justify being a whore but calling it whatever they need to call it to make themselves feel better. If the sexua...l "spark" with a partner isn't enough to satisfy, it would make sense to find another partner. Seems like fags just want to have their cake and eat it too, maybe as payback for all of our "rough times growing up."I feel like open relationships are copouts, the article should have been called "45 percent of gay men don't believe in love." I'm just happy the other 45 percent may still believe in monogamy and longterm loving relationships, until of course they do another study. They'll all burn in the fiery pits for their lack of commitment to their partners, but then again who am I to judge? I'm single and wouldn't know a thing.

My response?

The problem with the article isn't the premise; it's that the premise is only applied to gay couples. Please note the 50% divorce rate and this graphic:

If gay couples have found a way to navigate the artificial construct of marriage in a way that is more successful than heterosexual divorce-addicts, then I say kudos.

What do you think?

Posted via email from toddx's posterous


tuttobagnato said…
What do I think? Stop harshing my Friday mellow! I want to hang out with my boyfriend without being reminded of the futility of it all haha.

Anonymous said…
How can you be in an open relationship if it's against the law to close it?
Dixie said…
I'd agree with you. As long as the relationship is truly open, and both partners are fully on board, which to be sure takes a lot of trust and communication to know that both are on board, then I think if it works go with it.
samuel said…
Not sure I have an opinion, but here's interesting commentary on the study and the article
that I think adds to the discussion.
toddx said…
@tutto: sorry, have a great weekend (doomed. . .) ;)

@sean: clearly, you don't live in Argentina!

@Dixie: truly and fully. Too much commitment for me.

@samuel: I have little doubt there is a political agenda behind such heteronormative "studies."
BosGuy said…
I've been in a longterm relationship with my partner for more than 11 years. It has been an open relationship from the start. Not sure if that disqualifies us in the eyes of some of those who have spoken out against such relationships, but what others have thought about my sex life has never really mattered much to me. If it had - I never would have come out of the closet in the first place.
toddx said…
@BosGuy: Congrats you home wrecker! Only 11 years?! Are you singlehandedly trying to destroy the fabric of America with your short-term relationships and casual attitude toward having a life partner? ;)
Rachael said…
I kind of agree with you. Basically, I think that monogomy and the degree of openness in ANY intimate relationship should be decided by the partners and judged by no one else. I believe cheating is wrong, but not because of sleeping with someone else. Because of the lying and mistrust. My husband and I have discussed the possibility that one of us might want something else someday, and it's something we're kind of open to. We both were each other's firsts, and life is pretty long to just be with one person and never have ideas about anyone else. I don't know if it will ever really come to that, but I don't talk about it much because there is judgement about it and people seem to think it's weird. oh well. I don't see why we can't all just butt out!
Matt said…
This is really interesting. I can't say that I'm comfortable with the idea of an open relationship, but then that's just for myself. If a couple (or thruple, or whatever) is completely open and honest about their relationship, then good for them for making it work. Obviously there's still a commitment there.
toddx said…
@Matt: I hear you. An open relationship seems like too much work. :)
toddx said…
@Rachael: Best advice ever: "Just butt out." ;)

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