This person is my hero, or "Why stealing from children is good"

From The Stranger:

Yesterday I was walking down Pine Street behind a woman who was hand-in-hand with an adorable child. The woman was on her cell phone and obviously in a hurry. The child was young—two? three?—and was hop-running to keep up with the woman in that adorable, clunky way children do when they haven't yet figured out how knees work.
Then the adorable child spotted five dollars on the sidewalk. I saw her spot five dollars on the sidewalk. She pointed and tried to say something to the woman, who gave her arm a tug and kept walking. The adorable child was still pointing at the money as I walked over and picked it up. We locked eyes. The child didn't say anything. I put the money in my pocket. Later, I bought a latte.

Now, there is a chance the child was pointing at the cigarette butt lying next to the money, or some other cool trash nearby. But probably she was pointing at the money. The money that I took. From her, a child.

So, am I a monster?

No, you are a goddess. Marry me.


Unknown said…
Yeah, my hero. Although, I was sort of hoping the story was that she took the child from the clearly underqualified mom and scared her from ever talking on her cell phone in public again. Of course she would give the child back but still. Sometimes you gotta Mrs. Pigglewiggle people. I fear that makes ME the monster...

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