It's no Cowgirl Creamery: Mommy's Milk Cheese

Oh, yes. You read that right. "Mommy's Milk Cheese" has finally been produced and you should be afraid. Chef Daniel Angerer (I think he's angry because he can't afford real cheese) decided to experiment with his partner's breast milk when they ran out of room in their freezer. Waffling between donating it to Haiti and experiment with it in an unholy and nauseating way, the chef chose the latter. What you see above is the end result. It may look like an innocuous goat's milk cheese, but I assure you IT IS NOT!

According to Grub Street New York:

Angerer says his wife’s milk reminds him of the cow’s milk that he’d pick up, as a child, from a farm in Austria: “It was still warm and it would sour the next day.” Angerer says that two gallons of the mother’s milk yielded almost two quarts of cheese. “After two weeks aging, it was somewhat like a raw-milk cheese — it had all the flavors in there. It tastes just like really sweet cow’s milk. It wasn’t like, ‘Hey, this is such an amazing cheese.’ It’s just like, ‘Can you use human milk? Yes, you absolutely can!’” In short, it’ll do in a pinch.

In a pinch, I'd rather eat Velveeta, Kraft singles, or any brand of Squeeze Cheeze. Please, in the name of all that is good and full of light in this world, make it stop and, I'm begging you, do not serve this to me at your next wine and (gulp) cheese party.